This week’s entry goes out to Duke Rattler. And in the spirit of Thanksgiving excess the entry is about shredders. Because I don’t care if you are Caspar Brötzmann or Lee Renaldo or Tony Iommi, the only valid reason to still play an electric guitar in the 21st century is to shred on YouTube. Based on my intensive and thorough research of YouTube shredders, here are the winners of Anaconda’s First Annual Thanksgiving Shredding-on-YouTube competition. And now for the winners:
Looking like you never leave your room gets you lots of points, but these two shredders prove that you can leave your room and shred in public, in front of people, for dozens of screaming teenagers at some color coordination summer camp.
The second place shredder makes a clear statement by having no furniture in his apartment and wearing white tube socks while he shreds. He also got bonus points for being old.
The third place shredder clearly understands the meaning of shredding – speed. Having a Japanese name also got him some bonus points.
Besides giving bonus points for being old or having a Japanese name, we also award bonus points if you have proof that you work at a guitar store – the ultimate shredder job.
And now here’s a little advice to shredders looking to place in next year’s competition.
• We have to be able to see your face, or at least that you are covering it with a hat or hair or whatever.
• Don’t try to be ironic or sarcastic about your shredding, being able to shred is the ultimate accomplishment as an electric guitarist, do not apologize for it.
• A shredder’s room is like his record cover, do not try to create atmosphere in your room with lights or any other visual tricks.
• Do not play with background tracks, shredding does not need any backup.
• Finally, do not, under any circumstances, play Eruption (or any Van Halen licks for that matter).
And finally I have to add one special shredder category, the Special Canon Award, for those shredders who specialize on playing JerryC’s arrangement of Paco Bell’s Canon in D Major (it’s good to see that this little heard oldie is finally getting some well deserved attention). The winner of the Special Canon Award did not let his Malaysian prison cell confine his soul as it did his body. Fly away little buddy.
And you all have a great Thanksgiving weekend. Excess!
The tube sox player has the audacity to refer to his piece as neoclassical. I think that’s what I’ll say when people ask me what type of music I play. I’m getting tired of answering “death metal.”
Did you hear about Funtwo? He had a really popular version of Canon on YouTube. Since he didn’t show his face, a lot of posers claimed to be Funtwo. When he finally revealed himself it made the frontpage of the NY Times website.
Actually could the tube sox player be Brandon Holbrook? Brando recently sent me an mp3 of him doing the lead to a Pink Floyd song off Dark Side of the Moon. What is up with that???
Funtwo was a front runner for the Canon Award, but I felt the shredder who won expressed a greater pathos on his performance.