Dedicated to Stanislaw Aesculapian Lem.
In a Borgesian kind of mindset I imagine an I-pod that has all the music that has ever been or will ever be recorded. All possible permutations of sound combinations in all rhythms and melodies, tones and timbre are found in it. From the shortest micro-tune written in mirco-scales and played in one nano-beat to the longest (still playing) epic multi-symphoelectronic terramuzak, this I-pod has it all. How far are we from that I-pod? Turns out, not far at all. A musician that goes by the moniker of Anonymous has already developed the only music that won’t go into my not-so-imaginary I-pod – Silent Music.
At the current rate of music production, statisticians have predicted that 100% of musical possibilities combined with 100% of sound wavelength saturation will occur sometime around June 19, 2011, just a few years away. Experts call this the Cacomoment in music. Though some countries have gone as far as monitoring the number of musical pieces being produced and played at any given time, and some have even placed restrictions on certain forms of new music, most music production continues unabated. And it might as well, since most experts agree that the forward advance of music is unstoppable and must be allowed to reach its obvious conclusion – the Cacomoment. But what happens afterwards? Though the post-Cacomoment is somewhat of an elusive concept not unlike what happens to time at speeds faster than light, most theories describe the post-Cacomoment as all the music, all the time. And this is where Anonymous and Silent Music come in. In the post-Cacomoment, Silent Music will offer an oasis of peace amidst an atmosphere filled with the incessant sounds of all the music all the time. As the name implies Silent Music doesn’t make a sound; it’s music that can’t be heard. Like any innovative creator, Anonymous is keeping secret many of the technical details; however, initial leaks from Anonymous’ studio have resulted in a number of “silent” headphones now flooding the market. Notwithstanding, Anonymous has stated that unlike the headphones which mainly create silence as a negative effect of sound, Silent Music creates silence a priori, in other words, it would create silence even if there was no music in the air. But the principal difference, says Anonymous, between regular silence and Silent Music is that while regular silence is the absence of sound, Silent Music is silent sound, which means that it will continue to provide the other characteristics we currently associate with music, but without making any sound. When listening to Silent Music we will, depending on the Silent Music piece, experience joy, sadness, elation, mystery, a desire to dance or to cheer. In the post-Cacomoment, we will see a flyer for our favorite Silent Music band, go to our favorite live music club, pay a cover, and drink beers while we toast to the awesome Silent Music being played, but we won’t see any performers on stage playing any silent instruments. We will follow the neon lights to the dance clubs were we will twist and shake in new provocative dances while attempting to ‘hook-up’, but we won’t see any DJ spinning any silent records. At home we will sit back after a busy day at work and relax with a cigar and a glass of scotch while listening to the latest Silent Music recording from the Columbia Silent Record of the Month Club.
Exponent of Silent Music and fellow snakester Stanislaw Aesculapian Lem predicted Silent Music. In his book “Imaginary Magnitude” he called for a “liberation struggle in the name of – and for the good of – Introductions.” While Aesculapian Lem refered to book introductions, the same principles apply to Silent Music. As a creator of Silent Music might say in the post-Cacomoment, Aesculapian Lem wrote, “I shall deceive you, and for that you will be grateful to me. I shall make you a solemn promise with no intention of keeping it, and that will satisfy you, or at any rate you will pretend that it does, with appropriate masterly skill… I promise and guarantee a wonderful freedom, and give my word that Nothing will be there. What shall I gain? The greatest of riches: the one prior to Creation. What will you gain? Supreme liberty, for no words of mine will obtrude upon your ear in your pure upward flight. I shall take you only as a pigeon-fancier takes a pigeon, and slings it like David’s stone, like a rock in the path, so that it may fly off into this immensity – for eternal enjoyment.”
In the meantime, as we wait for the imminent Cacomoment, we can still enjoy Waterdigger’s “Piece of Shit Volvo Station Wagon”.
Finally, I hope that Hall and Oates create some silent tunes, cause otherwise I’m gonna miss ‘em in the post-Cacomoment.
Dedicated to Stanislaw Aesculapian Lem.