[This week’s entry was going to be about Celine Dion, cause I really want to keep the Celine Dion exchange going until Celine Dion herself puts out a Celine Dion record titled, Celine Dion Sings The Complete Nonalignment Pact Celine Dion Blog Entries With Complete Celine Dion Inspired Commentaries (Hopefully Neil Sedaka will do the music). On the day this Celine Dion record is released, I will myself release a recording of 160 thirty-second variations of 'My Heart Will Go On' complete with an extended explanation in concise detail of why I think 'My Heart Will Go On' is an ok song. All proceeds will go to the W.I.M.P.U.S. (World Incorporation of Musicians Picked Upon for Sport) Foundation – which Kenny G started a few years back, and to which I hope one day to belong. Until that day, feel free to continue the Celine Dion commentary on this entry even if it’s not at all about Celine Dion.]
This week’s entry is going to be dedicated to Todd Cobra.
What this week’s entry is going to be about is guitars. In particular it is going to be about the Sears Electric Guitar with Carrying Case and Built-in Amplifier (AKA the Danelectro Silvertone Model 1448). In particular it is going to be about how at the turn of the century, I saw this man bring one of these Sears guitars to a Memorial Day BBQ and set it up on a wooden porch. Then I am going to tell you how, one after the other, brave men lined up to get on that wooden porch and attempt to play the old Sears guitar. I am going to tell you how these brave men tried to play the old guitar, but they could only get the most horrid sounds out of it. I will describe how the intonation sounded like it had been stepped on by a million hobos in line for the next train car, how the tuning sounded like a high school rock and roll dance contest on New Year’s Eve, and how the pick-up rattled like it was made out of a rusted spark plug still attached to some junkyard Fury. I will tell you how one after the other the brave men quit in despair, some after courageously struggling thru 2 or 3 songs, but finally surrendering, their ears bloody, their spirits shattered. Finally I will tell you how this man, the owner of the old guitar, picked it up and proceeded to effortlessly extract over an hour of tuneful melodies full of scratch and jump, pain and poetry, and all the tasty, beautiful and enriching stuff that electric guitars can do.
Before I tell you all of the above, however, I will play you this short soundclip of the man, in his youth, sometime during the last century, inside the bathroom of an ancient state building, playing the same old guitar until he is interrupted by “the Man.” But even long before that I am going to play for you a couple (one and two) of recent recordings with the same guitar so that when you hear everything I’m going tell you afterwards you will be aware of what is possible with this old Sears guitar.
Of course, before I even begin, I will have to comment on a previous blog that this blog is in no way going to imply that cheesy marketing schemes such as the VW First Act guitar are not annoying, cause they are very annoying, as I’m sure the ads for the Sears Electric Guitar with Carrying Case and Built-in Amplifier must have been for those who saw them in the last century. However, come to think of it, in my blog I am going to try to avoid saying anything since it will most likely be something you already know or don’t want to hear, though sometimes it’s nice to be reminded that it’s not the guitar that makes the player, nor that it’s the player that makes the guitar. But I will try to avoid telling you that such is the reason why cheap, malleable guitars made of crappy materials are better than hard, complicated, and carefully crafted ones.
It’s a fine line between Townes Van Zandt and Don McLean.
I can’t seem to see the pictures, and I so want to.
Dude, you are right on. After all, I remember when me and Ramon were pounding out chimp riffs as mere children: his guitar was some no-name, black SG clone which was infinitely cooler than mine since it was an actual electric, whereas mine was an abused Aria classical with a microphone duct-taped under the bridge. While nothing we made with those guitars was sublime, or really even listenable – well, without them, we would have been negated. Those guitars saved our souls.
There seems to be a problem with FlipDrive, so I’m ditching them. The photos should now be visible. I’m still working on the soundclips.
If you had ever gotten around to talking about any of this stuff I would have been right there with you man. I love an old beater you can ride like a walrus; you never have full control; but if you’ve got some pizazz you can make it sing…like a walrus. I’ve been using a Squire Bullet for years that I hot-wired myself with Texas Tele pick-ups and graphite saddles (because I break strings like a walrus). Blarin’ Aron the Banjo Baron down in H-town puts humbuckers in those old harmony guitars and stores them in the trunk of old jaguars and he can make those walruses sing. Anyway Celine Dion is like a walrus, all legs and oysters but no mops.
Get these links to work Señor. I want to hear that walrus sing.
Ok, the song links have now been fixed on the post. They’ve also been fixed on the Waterdigger post from last week . Cause if you didn’t hear the Piece of Shit Volvo Station Wagon or the Granny is Better songs, you really should.