Week 18: The Mancinis

Also included: Part 6 of The Book of Fables.

To the whole Snake Gang. One for one and all for all.

We all know Henry Mancini as the great Hollywood film composer, but did you know that he was also the head of an extensive family that had its foot in almost every facet of the music business? You didn’t think someone gets 72 Grammy nominations (winning 20) and 18 Oscar nominations (winning 4) without a little bit of help, did you?

So here’s the family.

The Patriarch and mastermind: Henry Mancini, himself, seen here showing Paul McCartney that he can make sappy songs even sappier.

The matriarch: Ginny Mancini ran the Henry Mancini Institute until it ceased operations on 12/31/2006. Here’s an interview with her during happier times, talking about the Henry Mancini US postal stamp.

The twin daughters:
- Monica Mancini is still singing away with orchestras and was nominated for two Grammys in 2005 for singing her father’s songs.
- Felice Mancini is executive director of the Mr. Holland’s Opus Foundation, which supports music education and its many benefits through the donation of new and refurbished musical instruments to underserved school and community music programs and individual students nationwide.

The son: Chris Mancini has been involved in almost every aspect of the music business, including publishing, production, soundtrack composing for TV and film, record label executive and even made a go at being a rock star. Here’s a review of his record by someone who claims to have been in the dark about Chris Mancini’s family. Yeah, right. These days he does remixes of his father’s songs, such as those on The Pink Panther’s Penthouse Party, recently released by Virgin Records.

The Grandsons:
- Chris Mancini, Jr., is a sci-fi and comedy filmmaker.
- Roberto Mancini is a futbol superstar. Soon stadium crowds will be singing the Baby Elephant Walk or the Transamerica Express as they riot. Here’s a 24 second clip of Roberto Mancini kicking a gol with his heel.

The Grandniece: Alessia Mancini is a teen pop idol in Italy. Here’s a video of her. You probably only need to watch about 10 seconds to get the idea.

The Great-grandson: Valentin Mancini is the heir apparent.Here’s a 13 second video.

The Grandnephew: Jon Mancini is the drunk because the drunk may be the most important part of any family intent on musical domination. Here’s Jon Mancini* as the incredible Drunken Master.

And although no family relation has been acknowledged by the musical Mancinis, we all know that every family needs some muscle. Here’s Ray “Boom Boom” Mancini (son of Lenny “Boom Boom” Mancini) knocking out Orlando Romero in the 9th.

And here’s part 6 of The Book of Fables:
THE COMPOSING FAMILY

The Large Head of the Composing Family had found another hit song, again in an extremely unlikely place. By now he knew to look in extremely unlikely places. Music schools, music competitions, record labels, and Tin Pan Alleys rarely produced the true hit songs. The true hit songs were found in extremely unlikely places. The Large Head of the Composing Family knew how to tell a true hit song from a fake hit song. How he knew, he never said. It was his secret and not even the Large Heart of the Composing Family knew the secret, and it’s not like she didn’t try, but the Large Head would never say. He would however, often talk about true hit songs and fake hit songs in ways that appeared to tell the secret, but never really did. “Fake hit songs,” he would say while sitting at piano with the rest of the Composing Family around him, “have a fake life. They pretend to be hit songs, but really they are empty inside and only sound like hit songs because they think that’s what others want them to sound like. But most of them would really be happier staying home with mom and dad being little family songs for the children to sing. True hit songs, however, vibrate with the melody and rhythm of an internal music that doesn’t care what anyone thinks, a music that is so true to itself that it is immediately recognized by the music each of us brought with us from the time before we were born, and therefore, whether we like it or not the true hit song connects with our internal song and an unbreakable bond is made that won’t let go.” And in this way the Large Head of the Composing Family could go on for hours while tinkling playful melodies on the piano.

Some might have thought it strange to hear him talking like this since the Composing Family had by their own admission propped up to great success many fake hit songs. The Composing Family, in the tradition of other Composing Families worked hard to make money, and were very successful at it, having had a string of fake hit songs for as long as anyone could remember. But now as the Large Head sat at the piano and played the song he had heard the Motionless Busker play for The Teenager, he knew it was a true hit song. The Large Heart of the Composing Family heard the song and immediately sweet tender tears of love began to well in her eyes, and she also knew it was a true hit song. The Mouth of the Composing Family immediately got on the phone and called The Producer to arrange an audition while the Voice of the Composing Family practiced the song with the Large Head. Everyone in the Composing Family had a job to do, the Older Fist, the Younger Fist, the Mouth, the Voice, the Feet, the Ears, the Stomach, the Spirit, they each had a job to do in the Composing Family and they did it well. And soon The Producer arrived to audition the song that the Composing Family had for him.

The Producer arrived in his big car and had his assistant announce him. This was completely normal behavior for them. The Producer then shook the Large Head’s hand, and said “Ok, let’s hear the song.” He always addressed the Large Head as if he was the only one there, even though the house was always brimming with other members of the family. Meanwhile the assistant went to the assistant waiting room to wait and play with The Producer’s miniature dog. Did I mention that the assistant carried The Producer’s miniature dog everywhere they went? Well, he did. The Producer couldn’t stand being away from his miniature dog, so everywhere he went so did the miniature dog, which, by the way, spent more time with the assistant and had greater affection for him than for The Producer. So while the assistant had a great time playing with the miniature dog, The Producer listened to the Large Head and the Voice of the Composing Family play the song that was already a little different from the song that the Motionless Busker had sung for The Teenager. The song would, eventually, be extremely different by the time The Teenager would hear it again, but this wouldn’t happen for quite some time. Right now, The Producer, after hearing the first ten seconds of the song called his assistant who came running in with the miniature dog. The assistant put the miniature dog on The Producer’s lap and leaned forward so that The Producer could whisper something in his ear. The Producer then got up, gave the miniature dog back to the assistant, and walked up to the Large Head of the Composing Family. Paying no attention to the fact that he was still playing the song The Producer rudely interrupted him. “You’ve done it again,” said The Producer. The Large Head stopped playing, got up from the piano and shook The Producer’s hand, “Same as usual?” “Same as usual,” answered The Producer. And without another word, The Producer left with his miniature dog and his assistant.

What happened next is a blur. Not a blur because it was forgotten, but a blur because there were so many people moving and talking so fast that you couldn’t really make out what anyone was doing or saying. Like the way the inside of a tornado is a blur, or the way the legs of horses in a stampede are a blur, or the way that a million people talking at the same time is a blur. Such as blur that try as you might to look or hear what is going on or what is being said, you just can’t. The blur started at the Composing Family’s home, and quickly spread around it, blurring everything in its way. Within hours the Composing Family’s neighborhood and then their town were also a blur. It happened so fast that there was nothing anyone could do. One moment a neighbor was talking to her kids about the importance of education, and the next moment everything is a blur. And the blur kept expanding and expanding, eventually reaching the farthest corners of the world. And only when everything, truly everything, was a blur, then and only then did things start to slow down and become clear again. And when everything finally stopped being a blur, things seemed to be the way they were before, except for one difference. Everyone was hearing the same song going on in their heads: the true hit song of the Composing Family. Some people liked it and others did not, but that didn’t matter because, like it or not, there it was singing away in everyone’s head, the truest hit song there ever was. Some tried stopping it, but couldn’t. Others didn’t even know it was there, but walked around whistling it. Little by little, however, even those who at first liked the song began to dislike it, but still no one could get rid of it. The best anyone could do was to listen to other songs, but as soon as the other song ended, there was that true hit song again, getting more and more hated by everyone with every passing day. Some suicides were attributed to the song, but it was never proven in a court of law that they were directly caused by the true hit song. But what did happen that was directly attributed to the true hit song is that everyone started to fear silence. And they began to have music playing all the time. There was music for the kitchen, for the bathroom, for the bedroom, for dinner, for breakfast, for sleeping, for driving, for walking, for sitting. There was music here, there and everywhere, in the morning, afternoon and night, and silence became something most people only remembered incorrectly as the sound of that true hit song that the Composing Family had unleashed on the world, and soon the preferred way for parents around the world to get their children to bed was to say that if they didn’t go to sleep they were going to stop the music and make them sleep in silence.

But like I said before, The Teenager didn’t hear the song for a long long time. She didn’t hear it when everyone first heard the true hit song. She didn’t hear the true hit song, nor did she hear any of the songs being played to drown out the true hit song in people’s head. She didn’t hear them because The Teenager spent all her time wondering what all this had to do with her. “I am the center of the Universe, why am I not the most important part of everything?” And thoughts like these filled up her head so much that there was no room for the true hit song, nor for any other song, and she mostly listened to only her own true thoughts (though some of them were fake thoughts pretending to be true, but she hadn’t yet learned to tell them apart). Eventually, though she would learn to listen and at that time she would discover some things that were truly amazing about music, and in particular about that song that the Motionless Busker had taught her and which now was in everyone’s head, although in a very distorted and over-produced way.

But that happens later. Right now, The Burdens, one of the premier rock and roll bands in the world, are mad as hell. They claim that the Composing Family stole their song and put it in everyone’s head without asking them or giving them any credit, by which they mean money.

Moral: Watch out for producers with miniature dogs and assistants.

*Not really Jon Mancini. Although drunk Jon Mancini is available on YouTube, this drunk is way better.