Why does anybody listen to Boston? I periodically forget they ever existed, but then, inevitably, I hear a song from the first Boston album in some public place on somebody’s car stereo as they drive by. And it’s always something off the first album, because every one of those songs has been a classic rock radio staple since the eponymously titled first album came out in 1976. The two subsequent albums have maybe one song apiece that I’m familiar with and anything after the third album registers a complete and merciful blank on my ears. Boston is the prime reason that I can’t listen to classic rock radio anymore, despite the guilty enjoyment of other fare of the genre. But the noodly, overcompressed guitar; the manicured production; and especially the high, screechy vocals are fingernails on my blackboard.
I don’t know what it was about the 70s that required a screeching frontman, but it seems that all classic rock bands of the day had one. I can forgive Robert Plant, because he’s basically the best Janis Joplin impersonator going, but what about Rush and Yes and—let’s not forget—Triumph? I don’t care what you say about Neil Peart’s Randian lyrics or whatever it is that Jon Anderson is singing about (“Mountains come out of the sky/and they stand there”), there is nothing redeeming in those vocal stylings. I mean, have you listened to “Fly by Night” recently? And if so, do you have any unshattered glassware? Thankfully disco and punk showed up with some fresh options and we got a reprieve from that kind of singing. Or we did until Chris Cornell came along.
But back to Boston. One look at any Boston album cover, with their flying saucer imagery, should give you a pretty good idea of the range of their appeal: 13 year old boys. What Boston wanted you to think is that they were the soundtrack of the feather-haired guy in his driveway, soaping down his Camaro, accidentally-on-purpose hitting his girlfriend in the process, and then driving her over to the pizza joint later to buy her a slice to make up for it. Smooth. In reality, Boston was the soundtrack to the lives of guys who wanted to be Camaro guy. Boston listeners were too young to own Camaros, so instead they rode around on their banana-seated bikes, quietly humming “More Than a Feeling” and dreaming of their own Marianne. Meanwhile, Camaro guy was listening to Skynard or maybe Aerosmith, depending on the neighborhood.
Most 13 year olds grow out of the flying saucer phase. Those that don’t grow up to be Tom Scholz. After Scholz worked really hard to get his master’s degree from MIT in five years, he worked really hard building a multi-track recording studio in his basement, then worked really hard to record almost all the parts to all the Boston songs himself. Boy, he sure works hard; there is not a stray note. It’s a shame working that hard doesn’t leave any time to develop good taste. Because if he’d spent a little less time working and more time paying attention to the things other people create, he might have saved us all from having to listen to the crap he keeps creating. At the very least, he might have avoided recording the same album every eight years or so and passing it off as something new.
I’ve now spent even more time thinking about Boston than I would have had I not sat down to write this thing. Curses. I better think of something to make the whole thing worthwhile. Oh wait, here’s a picture of one of the interchangeable Boston drummers. That should do it.
*Because I don’t like in-jokes, dig through the comments of this post to find the meaning of this title, if you don’t know already.
Yay! John’s going to love me forever! I no longer have to rely on cheap hookers for that.
I think we need to distinguish between formula and formulaic. the first applies to all music, genres all have a formula of some sort and even scales, harmonics, etc are formulas in a certain sense. Formulaic i would take as the formula with not much else, such as a lot of TV music, for example. All genres seem to have very formulaic exponents as well as those that make something special out of the formula. I’m with john though on the hating classic rock thing, its just too easy, but in general its easy to hate on genres (country, rap, metal, etc etc) since most of them do put out a lot of crap, but a lot of it its like science, you have to do a lot of failed experiments with the elements before someone discovers that you can cure something with it, then there come the million imitators that are rarely as good as the originals. I’m not enough of an expert on 70s arena rock to make a choice, but i know there are some pretty tasty bits of it. Grand Funk was one of the first records I got from my uncle that weren’t beatles and they made a good impression on my teenage mind. I can do without the extreme overexposure but like john says, we dont ahve to listen to the radio… however, i love catching some Tom Petty once in a while on the Boston station.
Just to be clear, I don’t hate classic rock. Far from it. It’s just Boston I don’t like. There are others I don’t like, but none of them seem so overplayed as Boston. But that doesn’t mean I’m not a pretentious snob.
If I don’t love you forever, Charlie, I at least promise to love you long time.
Yes, there are definitely some classic rock acts I cannot stand. Queen, Rush, Boston, Thin Lizzy, Steely Dan… oh my GOD I hate Steely Dan, more than Rush even! Chew on that, Sparrowboy! But seriously, you can’t toss out the baby with the bathwater without a stern visit from Child Protective Services, and really who needs the aggravation?
Charlie,
Because your own personal music is so great, I am willing to let this slide as it’s mostly Mercury that I love. Thanks for sending over “Clanging”. It’s awesome.
Justin’s right… I could have written his same take except about REO Speedwagon. I ALWAYS hated those fucks but obviously I generally dig 70s arena rock (when it’s not overplayed). For every one of us, there’s one arena rock band that just sets us off.
Oooh…and I forgot about 38 Special. They were a steaming pile…worse than REO, even.
You won’t get any argument from me about Steely Dan, Charlie. But one day, I will expose your love of Queen when you least expect it. You think you can hide it…maybe you’ve even convinced yourself that you really DO hate them. But I have video, dude. Charlie Naked + Air Guitar + We Will Rock You.
Ooh, REO is another one I hate. Thankfully they don’t get as much play as Boston.
Classic music rocks. Maurice Ravel saved my life in Korea. Any classic music haters out there have to answer to the Major.
No doubt that in thirty years or so people of various ages, not unlike ourselves, will be putting down the music that we think is hip today on a forum not too dissimilar from this one.
You know who I LOVE from that era though? The fucking James Gang. For all the musical mediocrity he helped produce in his time with the Eagles, Joe Walsh was a monster guitar player.
Mountain totally rocked my sox off. Deep Purple was fucking awesome too thanxxx to John Lord and his terrible organ.