My Better Judgement

So here we are the lunch for our new co-worker at the day job. Amongst all the small talk, I make a seemingly innocuous question, "What do you do?"

"OH, I do the fixed assets."

"No, I mean what do you do."

"Huh?"

"An avocation? What do you do outside the office?"

"Umm, I guess I like to read."

"Any genre?"

"Oh I haven't actually read anything for a while."

As innocuous as this exchange seemed, I was a bit shocked. I generally assume that work is 9 hours away from your life. Something doesn't quite add up if at the end of day if all you can say what you did with your life was balance a ledger everyday, eat, shit and sleep. Imagine Here Comes Mr. Jordan with that kind of life? You think Claude Rains would go through the trouble of demanding a new body after a premature soul plucking? Hell no. He's say "Thank God that's over!" My point isn't that you have to create or do something earth shattering - just something.

Consider this, at a recent wake, there was a elderly woman who just made elaborate ornamental eggs. She would take you through each display and show you her displays of eggs: bejeweled and lined ones, ornately carved ones, and small dioramas. Someone could laugh it off as kitschy but the thing was she was making something creative that she was able to share with people. When she passes away her grandkids will likely treasure those eggs and her friends will remember her as the egg woman.

Now, the egg woman's endeavor may not seem like much but compare that with my coworker; I know I'd much rather be making eggs. I think a lot of people don't bother making stuff because they are intimidated or make it some elite practice. To me it goes back to two documentaries and how the filmmakers see their subjects. The juxtaposition of Burden of Dreams and Hearts of Darkness has always amused me. The fixation for me is in how the films address the process of creating something. One considers creation a basic necessary drive and for the other film it is something elite and precious.

In Burden of Dreams, Les Blank follows the making of Werner Herzog's Fitzcorraldo where Kinski and the rest of the film crew suffer through all sorts of misery to achieve Herzog's vision which involves hauling a boat over a mountain. Doing is as much a character in Blank's film as any one person and that oppressive verb is behind Herzog compulsion to complete the film. The success or failure of the film seems almost secondary - the point is to make it. This is no different than breathing and no less extraordinary. I'm not suggesting that the work of Herzog and his crew is anything less than extraordinary but what I always go back to is how ordinary they are in their approach. They fight and struggle but there are no "I am making great art!" moments.

Contrast that with Hearts of Darkness, maybe it's because most of the documentary footage comes from Eleanor Coppola but there is a preciousness that is far removed from the journeyman ethic of Burden of Dreams. Here there is a constant self-consciousness where they are making great art and the people making this film are extraordinary for doing it. Not surprisingly, Marlon Brando is cast as an arrogant lazy schlub who is fat, didn't do his research, and tries to scores a big paycheck. Oddly, I love Brando here because - aside from being a huge bastard - he's the one person who isn't in the service of Art - this is his day job. That insufferable way he approaches his work is a wonderful juxtaposition to the earnestness of Coppola and his crew. To Coppola and the crew there is something mystical about making a film while to Brando it is nothing. Brando is playing fuck-you punk in a bloated self-important 70's arena rock band. Brando brings everyone down off their pedestals and tells them that what they do isn't special - I fucking love that! I think the reason goes back to a populist punk aesthetic where creation isn't just for the Pablo Picassos, the Orson Wells, or the Thomas Pynchons, it's for everyone - art should be common and everywhere.

This all comes down to why we do it - why we suffer through annoying bandmates, tedious rehearsals, throwing money down a hole, and general indifference from the world. We do it because that's what we do and what you should be doing. There's nothing special about it - we're just primitive sharks and if we stop we die. You have to put up with a lot of shit, frustration, and disappointment not to mention a lot of neurotic and manic-depressive behavior along the way. Sounds awful huh? Well, the way to deal with that is to resign yourself in the manner Herzog does when he confronts the jungle;

"We have to get acquainted to this idea that there is no real harmony as we have conceived it. But when I say this, I say this all full of admiration for the jungle. It is not that I hate it, I love it. I love it very much. But I love it against my better judgment. "

Credits:
Herzog and Kinski by Beat Presser 1987

Coppola and Brando by UA

Links:
Burden of Dreams on IMDB - For best results don't read the Herzog monologue in the quotessection until you've seen the film.

Hearts of Darkness on IMDB


And don't forget..
Tonight is the Proletariat 's 5th anniversary. Congrats to the Prolee and kudos to Skyline Network.