Fuck Christmas
No clever anecdotes, no self-important simpering pleas for your attention, no good-natured jabs in the general direction of wholesome American holiday cheer.
This year has me posting the Christmas day blog for the good ol' NAP, and I gotta tell you, I am not even close to being up to the challenge.
In fact, before I even try to begin thinking of something worth a shit to say, I'll just give you the post I really wanted to write but was too much of a pussy to execute it in its raw form:
I FUCKING HATE CHRISTMAS.
Okay, great, with that out of my system, I'll turn this post on you, all six or seven of you, and ask for your input. If you had to pick the worst phase of your life. If you had to narrow down the agonies you've endured just to keep walking a little farther, if you had to whittle away the fucking oceanic mass of hurt that defines your life right on down to the heart of the fucking matter, how would you describe it?
I ask because I am embroiled in my worst case scenario; never would have guessed it, didn't see it coming, and yet here it is. And seriously, doesn't all that is bad always culminate on this very god damned day? Doesn't the bottom fall out every fucking year right around the time that people get all goofed up to celebrate the birth of a guy who couldn't possibly be who everyone keeps telling me he was?
Well, it sure does for me.
Fuck Christmas.
And fuck you.
Back to my hole.
This year has me posting the Christmas day blog for the good ol' NAP, and I gotta tell you, I am not even close to being up to the challenge.
In fact, before I even try to begin thinking of something worth a shit to say, I'll just give you the post I really wanted to write but was too much of a pussy to execute it in its raw form:
I FUCKING HATE CHRISTMAS.
Okay, great, with that out of my system, I'll turn this post on you, all six or seven of you, and ask for your input. If you had to pick the worst phase of your life. If you had to narrow down the agonies you've endured just to keep walking a little farther, if you had to whittle away the fucking oceanic mass of hurt that defines your life right on down to the heart of the fucking matter, how would you describe it?
I ask because I am embroiled in my worst case scenario; never would have guessed it, didn't see it coming, and yet here it is. And seriously, doesn't all that is bad always culminate on this very god damned day? Doesn't the bottom fall out every fucking year right around the time that people get all goofed up to celebrate the birth of a guy who couldn't possibly be who everyone keeps telling me he was?
Well, it sure does for me.
Fuck Christmas.
And fuck you.
Back to my hole.
19 Comments:
sorry for posting this anonymously, it's just that i don't like for people to actually associate these misfortunes with me personally, as if i deserve some sort of sympathy badge.
top two christmas disasters:
my mother chooses my first day back from my freshman year at college to tell my step-father that she has been having an affair with a doctor. (my step-father has always been my best parent, so i was heartbroken) he leaves that evening without giving a forwarding address and christmas is effectively cancelled.
in the middle of changing jobs, taking the GRE, taking another state exam, writing grad school applications, and trying to celebrate christmas with each other's families, my boyfriend at the time decided i wasn't paying enough attention to him. uh, yeah, at one time in history i though that we were possibly going to get married. thankfully we didn't, because thankfully he had an affair revealing what a shallow self-centered prick he actually was. it took a while to recover, because he was the person in the world i thought i trusted the most.
Wow, that totally sucks. I'm sorry to read about that. Thankfully, this phase in your life is just that, a phase in your life. I hope things are looking better for you as I know they will be. I know all your hard work and fortitude will see you through. Merry Chritmas!!!
Wow John, it sounds like another shitty Christmas for you. I myself am also endurung my own kind of hell. My mother is losing her memory. We all know what it may be. My father is doing his best to ignore it because he can't accept the painful truth. I've been putting off surgery, but no longer can. I simply can't afford to be off work. I guess moving to a country where healthcare is a privilege, but baring firearms is a right should have left me more prepared to endure my situation.
Did a person like Jesus exist?? I give thanks to the person of genius that forsaw the inadaquisies of humankind and decided to author the good book to keep the human race in check.
I don't particularly like to respond to you when you use the F word but this little cathartic experience almost blew all the snot out my nose (which I needed).
I dig what anon says. We don't need no stinking badges do we? Although in your particular embroglio you've got a whole church pew of recipients.
If you need someone to sing this post in song with you I can hook you up with my dad. He's just over by the Galleria. The home of Houston's holiday ch$$r.
Thank you!
And Tricia says (in tears) "completely out of control of her loss."
She lost her mom when she was 14.
No badges please.
In a rush, but later I'll tell the story of the year Dad cut the top of his index finger off. Now that was Yuletide cheer.
No, seriously, it's really funny.
I wouldn't describe it. I would do a dance on top of it and laugh (or cry, same difference) at the absurdity of life while wondering what the hell is going to happen next.
That's what I'd like to think. Mostly though, in the past, I mainly have just held on for dear life, praying that the rollercoaster will reach the bottom soon and start going up again like it's supposed to do.
And a Happy New Year.
Hey John I know just how to cheer you up: Just click here
Yes christmas fucking blows. Even though I hate candy and generally don't eat sweet things, I always feel around this time that a legion of French whores has cemented my interior walls with confections they shit and puked out all inside of me. And that's just how my body feels around this time.
Summer fucking sausage... and fruitcake... Don't give me anything. Give me peace from the phone ringing.
Worst Christmas ever? Probably this one, but not because of the usual reasons I hate Christmas. the onslaught of consumer hell.. Jesus being shoved down my throat...
Life is fucked up. We are all fucked up. Deck the Halls with our outrageous bullshit, and bring on tomorrow when we take it down and nail something else to the wall out of tradition and forced appreciation.
And, um... I am pretty sure Emar that the bible has done the opposite of keeping the human race in check. But, Im just your run of the mill hater here. No desire to elaborate there.
Returning to my blizzard.
More and more I start to believe that the key to enjoying life in any way is to take pleasure in the simple things. I enjoyed this Christmas, both because I got to hang out with my niece and nephew, both generally very charming creatures, and I used some of my Christmas bonus to deck out my bike with a little handlebar bag, some solar-battery-powered Christmas lights, and an iPod Shuffle with a little speaker case type thing to go in the handlebar bag. Finally I can listen to music when I bike around. That alone makes all the bullshit of the holiday worth it for me. I feel very fortunate that my life is stable enough right now that I can take pleasure in these things and have that be enough.
Thanks Charlie that was refreshing. Merry Christmas you cheery bastard you! :)
Just watched the Nomi biography on DVD and that guy had a pretty sad life. Regular feeling of aloneness but topped off by having one of the first case of AIDS so died alone because none of his friends wanted to be near him because nobody knew what it was.
And my parents, not really knowing any better, secretly killed off about 25 of my cats within 3 years thereby giving me a death complex that has lasted until this day. I didn't find out until years later. However, it was at the beginning of some really hard times financially so getting them all fixed wasn't an option. So, I can understand. Moving on.
But those are some bad cases. What keeps me walking is my ability to remember what really matters to me. I'll forget for awhile, but then I'll remember, and it is good. It may be that my children are alive, or that my parents are around to comfort me in the best way that they know how. Or, usually, it's just that I am here and thinking and I have my senses. I can still hear and see and taste and I don't have to choose for one of them to go. God that's great.
Because I like sweets, and savory, and all the in between. And art, and books and music. It is so nice that they are still there.
Nomi's crazy weirdness is still hanging out there somewhere in time, just as it was. And he was just like you and me.
I used to hate it to be compared to others, that they had similar things happening to them. But now, I'm pretty happy to know that because none of this is easy, and some of it is the worst time you can ever have.
But as long as you don't die, I think it leads to the better times you wanted to have.
And those words have been written a million times. They are nothing new. And that's the beauty of it. And the absolute gayness of it. Cherish the gay!
I just wanted to say hang in there, John. Sometimes life can be really terrible for an extended period of time and that's just how it is. I have been there and several people close to me have, too. Every day seems just as painful as the day before and it goes on and on with no relief. You wonder if you could possibly endure your sitation for any longer.
Eventually things become a little less terrible and finally you start having good days again. It just doesn't seem possible while you are in the worst of it. At least that has been my experience. I don't know if that is helpful but I just wanted to say you can through bad things it just takes a long time and can be grueling.
I was looking forward to saying hello to you at the Mike Gunn show but I couldn't make it. I think you guys should do another show when I don't have a sinus infection. Merry Christmas.
I like the holidays because I love my husband, children, and family; and I celebrate them at Xmastime. It's Independence Day that sucks.
I've always had it in for Columbus Day. Grrrr Columbus Day!
I can honestly say, K, that I understand about 60% of what you say. Are you taking the piss, ar you being literal, am I still high after quitting all those years ago? I just don't know anymore. The dad thing lost me, and I was also confused as to your wife's reaction.
I'm not being rude, I just don't understand. (Don't feel bad, it's a common theme for me). Probably due to extreme stress and a regimented lack of sleep.
Your heating story was horrible, fortunately your tamale breakfast rules the roost.
I'm going back to little to no comments, for obvious reasons.
Honest reactions man. To your post and to the comments after it.
I read your post to Tricia and that's what she had to say.
My dad is a wreck this time of year.
okay, I got you, and sorry I am such an idiot. Carry on.
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