give the gift of Health.

With the holidays almost here, no doubt many of you are last minute shopping for that special someone in your life, wondering just what you can get that says "I love you" like nothing else, that makes that moment under the mistletoe just that more magic. As I have always said: I am here to help you.

That said, get into the car, head to the local well-stocked independent record store, and filed under "H" in the "fucking awesome music" section, you will find the debut CD by a band from LA called Health. (If you're the kind of person who follows that link before blindly taking my advice, attempt to avoid looking at the picture of them, which makes them look like refugees from a Richard Simmons exercise video.) Immediately buy this album. Unless you are the sort of person who is buying a gift for a person who would not understand how an album that sounds sort of like a cross between the songwriting and guitar textures of Deerhoof and the tribal drumming and sustained atmospherics of Liars (without the gothy edge) would be, prima facie, awesome.* In which case, I am very sorry. I understand Celine Dion may have a holiday album that could suit your needs, although I am confident it will be filed in a different section of the store.

I thought of putting a description of how your Christmas morning might unfold with your loved one once he/she unwrapped this and you put this record on (or, if you've got kids, once little Timmy was busy playing DEAD RISING on his XBOX 360 and you have retired to the boudoir), but this is Nonalignment Pact and not Penthouse Forum, and I'm not here to tell you who gets on top or who blindfolds who. Suffice it to say that some of the rhythmic builds are lovely, the frequent paroxysms of rhythm and noise are effective punctuations, and "Glitter Pills" (the only dud on the album, although this may fall squarely into my blindspot for electronica) is a good time to take a shower. But once you've cleaned up, curl back up with your loved one in bed or on the rug in front of the fireplace for the dreamy closer, "Lost Time", which you'll be able to sing along with, even on a first listen. And then, hopefully you've put the CD on repeat, because everything will start all over again, and you will have an unforgettable Christmas.

Meanwhile, I'll be with my family in suburban Detroit, eating cinnamon rolls and bacon, getting ready for visiting relatives, and listening to Amy Grant's "Tennessee Christmas" (from A CHRISTMAS ALBUM), because I am not in control of the stereo in these parts and because I have no special loved one in my life at the moment to share the gift of Health with. But if I've made Christmas better for at least one of you, I'll have a little smile on my face, feeling like I've done my part to spread just a wee bit more holiday cheer.

Feliz Navidad, everyone.

*Put differently: this is the band I would have wished Ultra Hummus to be, could I have had enough creativity in my wishing to envision something this freaking awesome.