Standing on the Shoulders of Dwarves
“That which you love should own your entire being. There should be nothing left of you once your heart has done its work.”
It humors me to throw my writing at a proverbial wall every single week here in the NAP and see what sticks. I cant try and spill my guts, or wax philosophical about some nonsense, or just generally try and expose something about my view of things that connects to someone, somewhere, somehow. Sometimes comment threads spawn off of things we write in here due directly to the subject matter. We might wind people up by professing love for some band that breeds polarity. Bands Like Thin Lizzy are a perfect example. Steely Dan is another. Rush. Etc… The list is probably endless. One man’s trash, and so on, ad infinitum.
I also get a kick out of simply being a sophomoric asshole, spilling vitriol maybe just for the sake, or maybe to try and spark some reaction, any reaction to get things moving around here. This may say more for my lack of writing talent than anything else (well, that and my lack of emotional development). And then again, I can quite honestly just be in a pissy mood, ready to deliver the goods, and genuinely angry about something.
Ridiculous, I know, but there it is.
But I hope that the balance comes when I spend my time in here digging well into myself to expose something about me that makes me human in a way that connects to you by strictly adhering to something that moves me to express the joy of being alive.
Okay, I’m working on that last bit, admittedly, but it does happen, and I think that if you take the time to actually read what I have to say, you might find it happens more often than you might realize, and that I have just as much passion invested into that which I love as that which makes me dive for throats with fangs bared and guns ablaze.
To me, writing about anything other than myself week after week is basically an exercise in torture. That’s why my posts are almost always about me and what I see in the world all around me. Can’t help it. And that’s why my tenure in the minds and eyes of many who have passed through here is severely limited to say the least.
One thing you can be sure of is that my passions will be on full display. And that is truly for better or for worse.
Believe me. I know that my choice of subject matter, and my choice of words can have a very strong effect on you the reader. But you see, dear, that’s the fucking point.
I won’t slag anyone else that has the fortitude to do this week in and week out. But I will say that I won’t be one to pack myself away from these expositional posts and veer off into territory that is safe and sound, free from the peering eyes of others. And no, I’m not claiming any of my coNAPpers have made a habit of doing this either. Sure, there is what I consider too much of that in here, but hell, I am guilty of plenty of transgressions all my own as I have openly indicated on many occasions. I think the difference is that I will gladly and freely admit to my shortcomings, and usually long before I get called out for them too.
For me this is obviously a cathartic experience. But it is also a laboratory for me to work on how I express myself through my writing.
Perhaps an apology is in order for that. I mean, I won’t give you one, but perhaps it’s in order.
I hear the snickering when I espouse my love for metal. That’s fine. I’m not working the missionary angle, vying for converts with myopic zeal. I’m just sharing, or trying anyway, to tell you about something that gives me such unbridled pleasure. Who wouldn’t want to do that?
I have been a guitar player since I was in middle school. That means that I have been a guitar player for 28 motherfucking years. That, ladies, is a real long time. And I am a known traitor among the ranks. I have walked away from that world for a number of reasons. I use many of them to bolster many others. But in all honesty, making music with other people is somewhere along the lines of agony for me. It has always taken the heroic and grandiose efforts of others to coax me into the various musical ventures that I have undertaken, or at least all except for one. Project Grimm was my baby. Sadly it was born with severe birth defects, but I learned to love it all the same. But beyond that anomaly (well, that and my failed solo project), all my traipsing through the halls of band frivolity has been motivated by the efforts of another. Ramon. Scott Grimm. Tom Carter. The list is replete with people who have given me a reason to want to make the effort.
Slowly but surely I have shaken that which has drawn me to the humility and discomfort that has always accompanied being in bands (and even recording solo for that matter).
So what is my point? Don’t have one in case you haven’t picked up on that yet.
I do this because I want to write and I want to be read and I want to get in on the party.
Music? Yeah. I listen to a hell of a lot of it, and I still love the hell out of it. Guitar? Yeah, I still play it regularly, though I have dropped the self-borne pressure to create tangible pieces of music, since ultimately I am my own audience, and my audience doesn’t give a shit about the completion of anything other than the immediate expression that comes with the way I play. Joy! How thrilling it must be to read about that exclusionary tactic!
I am always amazed to read what the rest of you come up with every week, even though I am amazingly often utterly baffled by why it is that whatever many of us choose to talk about is so completely uninteresting to me. I imagine that the above statement should offend nobody, but if so, my apologies. Just keep in mind how much you like to read about metal, or my personal problems, or how deeply taken I am with someone, and then accept that I am equally baffled by tales of ________, or the life changing concept of _________, and how you have always had a soft spot for ________. Cool?
Look, I don’t know why I am the way I am. Like all of us, I am an amalgamation of my upbringing, my life experiences, my chemical makeup, and whatever else you need to add in there to feel comfortable appeasing your beliefs. All I know is that I am honest and comfortable myself, digging right into the heart of what is important to me and just throwing it out there. I know that I am received as juvenile at times, mercenary, unfair, and sometimes just plain mean. I will accept all of those labels and then some. For me, I have to give you all that I have in order to communicate that of which I find importance. That includes a deep and undying passion for life and for this world. I know it’s a contradiction. No one can simper and crow like I do, and yet I need to feel. I need to know that I am alive. I need to know that I exist and that I am vital and that this life is for now, and for always counting me in on the roll, because the moment I think I am out of the loop, it’s over.
There is an edge that is skittering towards all of us all of the time. We may veer directly into it sometimes, caught completely off guard by its coming out of nowhere (or so it would seem). But this is the edge of being that hoards all the really good stuff, and the only way to grab any of it is to get right up in there. I get tired like anyone, and I get scared like anyone, and I get real fucking complacent like anyone. But sometimes – and maybe it comes less and less, and maybe it is coming more and more – sometimes that edge shows itself, and I will be god damn ready to ride it with reckless abandon, because I need some of that good stuff.
I won’t play in another band unless I think I can remove the tendency to push away from that edge, and instead focus on getting as close to it as I can and staying there for as long as I can bear. That is now, for me, the essence of expressing myself through music, and I won’t tolerate anything less from anyone, especially myself.
Yeah I hear you, what a fucking elitist.
I have found a true partner in writing. Mind you, I’m not saying I am the kind of writer that I want to be. I am not and have never been goal minded. I detest that shit with gusto. But occasionally I break down and develop a major one. I want to write a book and get it published. That’s a goal. Jenna Jameson can find time between cocksmoking and snowballing to write several novels. I’ll take one. Miley Cyrus can shit out an autobiography about god knows what, since she’s only 15, for fuck’s sake. I just want to get published. Even that no-talent assmonger Anthony Kiedis has a fucking book out. I didn’t even know he could read. Me? You get the picture.
I know, I know. Write one. I know, I get it. I’m not an idiot. The thing is, I want to write the book that makes me happy. I am not currently in a position to do so at the moment. I’m sorry, but I’m like the character, Locke, in that show, Lost (thanks Ryan, you fucker, for lending me seasons one and two). I just have a feeling for why things are with me, and until the time feels right, I don’t tamper with the order of stuff. I know, again, I know, I’m a fucking nut job, but I also happen to know myself pretty damn well. It’s a process, and the process is still unfolding. I’ll put it this way: right now, and for the past several years, it has all been about testing the waters. You don’t want to jump in and find you can’t swim, and you don’t want to dive right in only to find it’s fucking freezing in there. You ease in and make it work for you.
God, I make myself sick sometimes.
I’m just saying, my day may come. Then again, it may not. I have spent countless hours working on my writing, and thinking about it as I saunter through my life like a 200-pound baby. I have grown quite fond of creating the written word. I’m no fool. My talent is marginal at the very best. I just want to make myself happy. On balance, I have been very lucky so far by those standards. I’ll leave you folks to it now. It’s time for more beer.
Wish me well. Just do. Wish me well and be on your way. You’ve all got posts to write too. And if you aren’t in the hallowed halls of the NAP as a writer, then wish me well from the sidelines, where you wallow in silence, not feeling you have a place among this coterie of jesters. You do. You do, anonymous spies and anonymous participants. You do, indeed. Now, wish me well and be on your way.
Enjoy your Tuesday.
Here’s Bob with the weather.
It humors me to throw my writing at a proverbial wall every single week here in the NAP and see what sticks. I cant try and spill my guts, or wax philosophical about some nonsense, or just generally try and expose something about my view of things that connects to someone, somewhere, somehow. Sometimes comment threads spawn off of things we write in here due directly to the subject matter. We might wind people up by professing love for some band that breeds polarity. Bands Like Thin Lizzy are a perfect example. Steely Dan is another. Rush. Etc… The list is probably endless. One man’s trash, and so on, ad infinitum.
I also get a kick out of simply being a sophomoric asshole, spilling vitriol maybe just for the sake, or maybe to try and spark some reaction, any reaction to get things moving around here. This may say more for my lack of writing talent than anything else (well, that and my lack of emotional development). And then again, I can quite honestly just be in a pissy mood, ready to deliver the goods, and genuinely angry about something.
Ridiculous, I know, but there it is.
But I hope that the balance comes when I spend my time in here digging well into myself to expose something about me that makes me human in a way that connects to you by strictly adhering to something that moves me to express the joy of being alive.
Okay, I’m working on that last bit, admittedly, but it does happen, and I think that if you take the time to actually read what I have to say, you might find it happens more often than you might realize, and that I have just as much passion invested into that which I love as that which makes me dive for throats with fangs bared and guns ablaze.
To me, writing about anything other than myself week after week is basically an exercise in torture. That’s why my posts are almost always about me and what I see in the world all around me. Can’t help it. And that’s why my tenure in the minds and eyes of many who have passed through here is severely limited to say the least.
One thing you can be sure of is that my passions will be on full display. And that is truly for better or for worse.
Believe me. I know that my choice of subject matter, and my choice of words can have a very strong effect on you the reader. But you see, dear, that’s the fucking point.
I won’t slag anyone else that has the fortitude to do this week in and week out. But I will say that I won’t be one to pack myself away from these expositional posts and veer off into territory that is safe and sound, free from the peering eyes of others. And no, I’m not claiming any of my coNAPpers have made a habit of doing this either. Sure, there is what I consider too much of that in here, but hell, I am guilty of plenty of transgressions all my own as I have openly indicated on many occasions. I think the difference is that I will gladly and freely admit to my shortcomings, and usually long before I get called out for them too.
For me this is obviously a cathartic experience. But it is also a laboratory for me to work on how I express myself through my writing.
Perhaps an apology is in order for that. I mean, I won’t give you one, but perhaps it’s in order.
I hear the snickering when I espouse my love for metal. That’s fine. I’m not working the missionary angle, vying for converts with myopic zeal. I’m just sharing, or trying anyway, to tell you about something that gives me such unbridled pleasure. Who wouldn’t want to do that?
I have been a guitar player since I was in middle school. That means that I have been a guitar player for 28 motherfucking years. That, ladies, is a real long time. And I am a known traitor among the ranks. I have walked away from that world for a number of reasons. I use many of them to bolster many others. But in all honesty, making music with other people is somewhere along the lines of agony for me. It has always taken the heroic and grandiose efforts of others to coax me into the various musical ventures that I have undertaken, or at least all except for one. Project Grimm was my baby. Sadly it was born with severe birth defects, but I learned to love it all the same. But beyond that anomaly (well, that and my failed solo project), all my traipsing through the halls of band frivolity has been motivated by the efforts of another. Ramon. Scott Grimm. Tom Carter. The list is replete with people who have given me a reason to want to make the effort.
Slowly but surely I have shaken that which has drawn me to the humility and discomfort that has always accompanied being in bands (and even recording solo for that matter).
So what is my point? Don’t have one in case you haven’t picked up on that yet.
I do this because I want to write and I want to be read and I want to get in on the party.
Music? Yeah. I listen to a hell of a lot of it, and I still love the hell out of it. Guitar? Yeah, I still play it regularly, though I have dropped the self-borne pressure to create tangible pieces of music, since ultimately I am my own audience, and my audience doesn’t give a shit about the completion of anything other than the immediate expression that comes with the way I play. Joy! How thrilling it must be to read about that exclusionary tactic!
I am always amazed to read what the rest of you come up with every week, even though I am amazingly often utterly baffled by why it is that whatever many of us choose to talk about is so completely uninteresting to me. I imagine that the above statement should offend nobody, but if so, my apologies. Just keep in mind how much you like to read about metal, or my personal problems, or how deeply taken I am with someone, and then accept that I am equally baffled by tales of ________, or the life changing concept of _________, and how you have always had a soft spot for ________. Cool?
Look, I don’t know why I am the way I am. Like all of us, I am an amalgamation of my upbringing, my life experiences, my chemical makeup, and whatever else you need to add in there to feel comfortable appeasing your beliefs. All I know is that I am honest and comfortable myself, digging right into the heart of what is important to me and just throwing it out there. I know that I am received as juvenile at times, mercenary, unfair, and sometimes just plain mean. I will accept all of those labels and then some. For me, I have to give you all that I have in order to communicate that of which I find importance. That includes a deep and undying passion for life and for this world. I know it’s a contradiction. No one can simper and crow like I do, and yet I need to feel. I need to know that I am alive. I need to know that I exist and that I am vital and that this life is for now, and for always counting me in on the roll, because the moment I think I am out of the loop, it’s over.
There is an edge that is skittering towards all of us all of the time. We may veer directly into it sometimes, caught completely off guard by its coming out of nowhere (or so it would seem). But this is the edge of being that hoards all the really good stuff, and the only way to grab any of it is to get right up in there. I get tired like anyone, and I get scared like anyone, and I get real fucking complacent like anyone. But sometimes – and maybe it comes less and less, and maybe it is coming more and more – sometimes that edge shows itself, and I will be god damn ready to ride it with reckless abandon, because I need some of that good stuff.
I won’t play in another band unless I think I can remove the tendency to push away from that edge, and instead focus on getting as close to it as I can and staying there for as long as I can bear. That is now, for me, the essence of expressing myself through music, and I won’t tolerate anything less from anyone, especially myself.
Yeah I hear you, what a fucking elitist.
I have found a true partner in writing. Mind you, I’m not saying I am the kind of writer that I want to be. I am not and have never been goal minded. I detest that shit with gusto. But occasionally I break down and develop a major one. I want to write a book and get it published. That’s a goal. Jenna Jameson can find time between cocksmoking and snowballing to write several novels. I’ll take one. Miley Cyrus can shit out an autobiography about god knows what, since she’s only 15, for fuck’s sake. I just want to get published. Even that no-talent assmonger Anthony Kiedis has a fucking book out. I didn’t even know he could read. Me? You get the picture.
I know, I know. Write one. I know, I get it. I’m not an idiot. The thing is, I want to write the book that makes me happy. I am not currently in a position to do so at the moment. I’m sorry, but I’m like the character, Locke, in that show, Lost (thanks Ryan, you fucker, for lending me seasons one and two). I just have a feeling for why things are with me, and until the time feels right, I don’t tamper with the order of stuff. I know, again, I know, I’m a fucking nut job, but I also happen to know myself pretty damn well. It’s a process, and the process is still unfolding. I’ll put it this way: right now, and for the past several years, it has all been about testing the waters. You don’t want to jump in and find you can’t swim, and you don’t want to dive right in only to find it’s fucking freezing in there. You ease in and make it work for you.
God, I make myself sick sometimes.
I’m just saying, my day may come. Then again, it may not. I have spent countless hours working on my writing, and thinking about it as I saunter through my life like a 200-pound baby. I have grown quite fond of creating the written word. I’m no fool. My talent is marginal at the very best. I just want to make myself happy. On balance, I have been very lucky so far by those standards. I’ll leave you folks to it now. It’s time for more beer.
Wish me well. Just do. Wish me well and be on your way. You’ve all got posts to write too. And if you aren’t in the hallowed halls of the NAP as a writer, then wish me well from the sidelines, where you wallow in silence, not feeling you have a place among this coterie of jesters. You do. You do, anonymous spies and anonymous participants. You do, indeed. Now, wish me well and be on your way.
Enjoy your Tuesday.
Here’s Bob with the weather.
56 Comments:
Yes, I see, but what of Ramon?
Marciana Garcia
Not sure what you mean. What of Ramon? How about, what are you trying to say, because I'm totally at a loss. Did I say this was a Ramon post? More info, please.
You crack me up.
Here's a novelist joke:
"Most novels get written in one day. As in, one day I'm going to write a novel."
yeah, i know, i make myself sick sometimes too.
Clearly, you were not being clear enough, hence my question to you, but what of Ramon?
Can you please answer my request in due time, Mr. John Cramer?
I would greatly appreciate it.
Marciana Garcia
Me, me, me. It's all too easy to focus entirely on yourself. Do something hard: try to understand other people and what they love.
So typical of John Cramer with his overly small penis to ignore any post that he knows not how to respond to. One more time now, Johnnie...BUT WHAT OF RAMON?? Ready? Get the finger out of your ass and listen up, and give me an answer!
Marciana Garcia
I'm not ignoring you. I was working. And once again I will respond my asking you: what the hell are you talking about? What of Ramon? What? I don't know. Marciana, Ramon is Ramon. Do you have an actual question or are you just going to take empty digs at me with no explanation? I'll take the bait if you're implying I have shorted him somehow, except I hnestly have no idea what you're talking about.
Umm, Justin, do you mean like you do?
I'm wondering what the hell happenened to him. Everybody is acting like it's business as usual. He literally disappeared on Saturday's blogging. Did I miss an explanation? He was good for this God forsaken pit of a city, and now he's gone. What fucking gives??
Sorry about the personal comments, John. I need to watch my temper and be more patient.
Marciana Garcia
What? That's it? I was just rolling up my sleeves... DANG.
Ramon put his sack on a stick and moved on from The Nonalignmentpact. He's a busy man and you can see more of his scene committment at http://www.freepresshouston.com.
Ramon still swings by this blog from time to time, and I am sure he would be pleased to know he had such a fiesty little fan.
Saturdays will be reserved for guest bloggers from all over the place (unless a nice permanent writer is found), and I hope you will still tune in and maybe even grace us with your pretty little silver tongue again.
Hope this answers your burning question. Sorry there wasn't an exit parade.
Umm, Justin, do you mean like you do?
Well, I generally try not to go on about myself. Hell I'm not even a big fan of laying down opinions because we all have those and mine is no more valid than anybody else's.
Dear John,
Peach Cobbler.
Unspeakable Acts.
Second Big Pleasure.
Love,
Jon
I'm not even a big fan of laying down opinions because we all have those and mine is no more valid than anybody else's.
That it is any more valid is for the mind of the opinioned (and the opioninated) to determine.
If you turn it around and say that your opinion is just as valid as anybody else's it doesn't sound so egalitarian any more. Or for that matter does it sound believable.
Anyway, for somebody not so into laying down an opinion - you tossed a nice one out here. Thanks for showing up anyway ;)
Me, me, me. It's all too easy to focus entirely on yourself.
Whatever you say, justincrane.com.
I don't write about others because fuck that. You can start doing that whenever you're ready, since you don't do it either. You've got to be kidding me.
Okay now.
Marciana,
your "what of Ramon" question was totally out of left field. I honestly had no idea what you were talking about. No big deal, and I chalk it up to a misunderstanding. But then, your bizarrely belligerent attacks on me for a) not getting your totally vague question, and B) not doing so fast enough for your liking strikes me as lunacy. And best of all, you then go for the crazy jugular by somehow thinking that if you tell me you think my genitals are in a size range that should somehow bring me shame based on shared social norms, that this will magically make me want to rapidly answer your vague question. That, dear, is absolutely ludicrous. That would be like me asking you "so yes, but what of Marciana?", and then telling you your vagina is putting the fear into Nietzsche's void just because you don't sit at the computer day and night waiting to respond to vague and accusatory questioning. Are you beginning to see how crazy you look?
Unspeakable already cleared it up, but in case you missed it, Ramon quit the NAP for his own reasons. There's no mysterious cabal at work there. As for Houston, once again we here at the NAP are having to live down the idea that this is supposed to be a Houston music blog. It isn't. This is a blog about music, period. We just were founded around a sort of loosely based Houston connection. That's it. I thought this was an opinion based blog myself, but Justin schooled me on that one.
Let's just say we don't quite have a mission statement yet.
I will gladly respond to honest questions, but sometimes I just genuinely don't understand them enough to do so. You probably don't need to lose your shit just because I don't respond within some arbitrary time frame, either. I know this blog is tremendously fascinating, and this may come as a shock, but I actually have things I do in my life besides piss people off. You don't have to assault my genitals to facilitate a hasty response. Okay?
"your vagina is putting the fear into Nietzsche's void"
that phrase made my day. thanks john.
You bet.
Whatever you say, justincrane.com.
I don't write about others because fuck that. You can start doing that whenever you're ready, since you don't do it either. You've got to be kidding me.
Right, I have the domain name because I'm really, really into myself. There could be no other reason.
I didn't say write about others; I said it was harder to try to understand others. And if you remember one of my earliest posts here was one in which I tried to figure out why somebody I worked with was so into Celine Dion.
If I can't think of something that will entertain other people, I generally don't want to write anything at all. People come here to be entertained; they don't give a damn about me talking about me.
Justin, I am capable of understanding what others love. That doesn't mean I have to write about it.
I also won't be tailoring my writing around what you seem to deem entertaining or valuable. Sorry.
If I rub you that hard the wrong way, you might want to find new ways to spend a few of your Tuesday minutes.
In light of your comments about crowd pleasing, I wonder how entertaining you felt your last post was.
Did you ever think that the impersonal tone of so many of your posts might be a little too cold for some people? I have. But it's your thing, and I happen to like most of your posts. But do you see my point? It's hard to enjoy your separation from engagement while digging in and engaging on an almost personal level (in my, uh, opinion).
"People come here to be entertained; they don't give a damn about me talking about me."
Actually Justin, I really would like to hear more about you. It may not be your style, but if we are talking about the blogging job of entertaining people and not just reporting on things, well.. I would like to know more about you personally. I'm not saying I have to know more than you're willing to share. And that's kind of what this is about.. What everyone here is willing to share is completely different from week to week and personality to personality. And this also means that the chemistry of this entire thing is all over the place constantly. It is a struggle some days to get interested even if shit IS interesting. Some days it may feel like a job and others it feels like fantasy break-land. Okay. Maybe not.
I don't envy you guys for having to poot out a blog every week for an audience. Sometimes having that audience can draw good things out of you and sometimes it can draw out bad. Sometimes it doesn't draw OUT anything.. and it must feel kind of oppressive. What is good and bad is obviously totally fucking relative to who is writing and who is reading. I will say this though. I have always admired John for being willing to put himself out there... flayed and on the table. It gives this blog blood flow. If I wanted to be entertained, I would go watch jackasses east hotsauce on youtube. What I want is to feel like I belong to a family of people who have real dimensions.. not strangers as usual. The planet is full of people ready to deliver information that they have collected, and part of what makes people interested in the information... is having more than just a cool shadow delivering it.
LIke I said, I don't envy you guys for the different kinds of balance that you have to keep each week when you sit down to deliver all of us your posts. And maybe that's the point. Fuck balance. Be yourselves.
That's my two cents.
In light of your comments about crowd pleasing, I wonder how entertaining you felt your last post was.
As I said, if I have nothing entertaining to say I would almost rather say nothing, but as it was my day I posted something. Certainly I could have whined about my insecurities, but again, everybody has those and I don't feel the need to write something just so somebody will read it and say, "Hey, you feel like that too? I thought I was the only one." That sort of exceptionalism is the origin of high school poetry and we all know how awesome that is.
I want is to feel like I belong to a family of people
And I feel like this sentiment leads to this blog being the insular Houston blog that it has become. If I wanted to feel like I was part of some family, I wouldn't start looking in the inherently impersonal medium of a blog. Families are what real people are for; the blog should be for exchanging ideas. And for that purpose you need as many different sorts of people as possible. We have a regular audience of about ten, so in this respect we have failed. We have the same people talking about the same things and that's a dead end.
You're not defining this site the way the Creator did Justin. To him this is merely a place to poorly type out a ramble not fit for the high medium of the "City Weekly." He didn't say nothing about entertaining folks.
What you're complaining about is a puzzle I constantly tackle but I don't have a set definition of how that puzzle is supposed to look.
The complaint seems poorly timed since two Nappers recently left and fresh blood is coming in. Or maybe it is well timed to kick up a little fire, although I would agree with John here and just tell you to get something going with Fridays.
If I didn't write for this site, would I read it? Maybe only as regularly as some of our non-posters like Clay. That would be in part because I know some of these people. There's just so many places to go on the net, it's hard to imagine this would be a regular stop.
But it is a regular stop for all of us because we are engaged in this endeavor. And that endeavor is like creating music, you know. I mean, you have some pretty solid control as to what this endeavor is going to be. And not posting much of anything and hardly ever commenting about anything is how you've chosen to participate.
Anyway, are you just kidding us? Because you telling John to start entertaining people is like me telling him to quit writing about metal. And after a year and a half you'd think you'd know that. Besides for all John's self-centered examination, he more consistently engages the little commenting troupe than any of us.
To me the site is as much about entertaining others as it is about examining and bettering ourselves.
I clearly understand what real people are for now.
Hate to tell you this, Justin, but your angle smells more of sour grapes than anything else. Not sure what I did to you personally, but your advice sounds more like a directive, and for all your arrogant attempts at seeming superior, your solution is to stand firm on a pile of fonts and spray critiques at my apparent lack of emotional development.
You atarted the public expulsion of inner NAP frustration. Care to finish it by saying what it really is that's bothering you?
It can't possibly be my high school poetry.
Me, I just want more posts about hot chicks in tubetops. I get the impression that subtext was completely lost in my own post.
You're not defining this site the way the Creator did Justin.
The Creator didn't really define the site at all and anyway he's gone now, isn't he?
If I didn't write for this site, would I read it?
The answer for me is no. Maybe in the beginning when it seemed like there were lots of people coming and going, leaving comments, but those people have largely disappeared and now we are mostly just writing to each other.
I clearly understand what real people are for now.
Way to miss the point.
Hate to tell you this, Justin, but your angle smells more of sour grapes than anything else.
Sour grapes about what?
and for all your arrogant attempts at seeming superior
Right, because having an opinion about the nature of a blog post is arrogant. Gotcha.
I think the blog had a good start, but as it went on the ideas ran out and people lost interest. I'm not saying that my posts are any better, because they suffer from the same lack of ideas. If there were more people discussing things then this wouldn't be such a problem, but most of the people who once read things here have lost interest and moved on or were driven away. Many are too intimidated to say anything. This is by no means your fault--we all had a hand in it, but that's what happened.
We're like SNL going through the motions with the same old recurring characters. Maybe that's okay with you, but I find it tedious.
Also, tubetops couldn't hurt.
Anytime you want me to misunderstand you, feel free to hack my attempts at diplomacy and opening up--so you can raise your robot flag again.
I'm not going to get in some stupid debate about what a family is, or touch on your comment about the "inherently impersonal" nature of a blog, or the effects on mankind of living half in TRON and half on the reservation. I care about all of you, and if that makes me a whack job--woop dee fucking doo. I'm a whack job. And so the fuck are you Justin Crane. So the fuck are you.
Now. How many regular visitors would you like to see here? What number would inflate your tires, and get this jalopy off the back roads?
Justin,
If all we are doing is writing for each other attempting to keep some sort of semi-creative exchange going, that is fine by me. Sure more readers/comments might be nice, but not necessarily so.
I suspect you would be fine with the current numbers if you found the semi-creative exchange interesting or engaging at any level, but apparently you don't. I do (though some weeks more than others).
So it seems you have a few options, drop out and become an occasional or never reader, complain and hope someone does something about it, or take a leadership position and try and lead us to a higher standard.
From your comments here, I'm not sure which option you are attempting to follow, but I one thing i can say is that you are not inspiring me to a higher standard.
Maybe you should take all those computer skills you have and redesign the website, take it off blogger as say you really want to do. It's your blog too.
And uhh... One more thing. The next five Saturdays will see guest posts from some interesting people, that no one here has seen yet. I haven't totally tapped my resources for finding people to bring on board so as to change the SNL snag, but I am getting close to being tapped. I have asked you guys to help find new writers to invite, and all I get back is a Death Valley tumbleweed and Morricone whistle. Believe me, I totally agree that it would be great to have more people involved. It's on us to bring them here.
Will somebody please tell me how Pink Floyd reversed the drums just before their initial attack at the beginning of "Echoes". I know it's not just simply a matter of flipping tape over for reverse delay as they are seamlessly synced to the actual drum hits. This studio trickery has had me baffled for years. Can the pantheon that is NAP reveal this technique in simple terms or will we just discuss fonts and why we like them?
Justin, disagreeing with or disapproving of my writing, or the writing in here in general, by reducing it to whining or high school poetry, and claiming that no one reads this because it isn't entertaining comes off as extremely arrogant. Especially in light of the way in which your level of engagement can often be next to nothing. That wouldn't bother me, per se, but when you complain because I talk too much about myself and don't try to understand others, you need to understand that you sound an awful lot like you're whining yourself. You want to entertain people with your insights on the human condition as it relates to others? Do it. I always read your posts, and I usually like them. I enjoy your voice and your tone. I do agree that things ran aground a bit up in here, but changes (willing or otherwise) have been made, and if you simply want more, propose them in a way that doesn't come off as an ivory tower declaration from which the peasants must find nourishment.
The sour grapes would be from the frustration you obviously directed at me over the way I handled (or didn't handle) the discussion of replacing Heidi. Note it and move on if that's the case. I detect a personal issue emanating from your comments on this post of mine. I suspect I am not alone.
I'll say this, I don't want you to quit. I value your contributions. You add to this, on the whole, and don't take away. I only ask that you recognize that there are differing opinions at work over what other people want to read in here. Take your own advice, perhaps, and pay attention to it.
Out of curiousity, does anyone read the nytimes' 'Measure for Measure' blog?
Returning to the point at hand... what a soap opera.
Initially, Unspeakable handed me a motive to read and listen to NAP. Now I read it because your viewpoints are all so different, but - at least as far as I can tell - you're all interesting people doing interesting things. So at least one of the ten (seriously?) regular readers is here primarily because you all might not fit into the same room comfortably, despite your shared passions... yet here you are in the same room.
The variety, the difference, the change in tone from day to day is the inspiring part. Honestly, I don't care if every once in a while someone writes something explicitly self-indulgent or completely opaque, if every once in a while stories from a musical childhood are relayed or if you're just going to type "writer's block" 100 times. Just make sure you actually type it, no copy-and-paste job will do for that one.
Tube tops make hot chicks look like lumpy sausages. :)
claiming that no one reads this because it isn't entertaining comes off as extremely arrogant.
Nobody else is reading this. It's not arrogant, it's a fact. And it's not just your posts, but to be sure if I were stumbling upon a blog entry like this one I would wonder why I should care about this person that I don't know. And I wouldn't feel very comfortable commenting about it. So in this way, it is excluding people in a way that I feel that the whole blog has been doing. I'm not saying that my font post or Kilian's CSS adventure today are not also somewhat alienating.
an ivory tower declaration from which the peasants must find nourishment.
I don't know where this idea comes from.
I detect a personal issue emanating from your comments on this post of mine.
There is no personal issue. I generally like the way you write and I like it even in this case, it's the subject matter that I'm taking issue with--I don't think the personal posts help us bring new people into the mix. You may disagree. Maybe you don't care. But if we don't care whether people are reading this thing, I'm not sure why we are doing it.
Will somebody please tell me how Pink Floyd reversed the drums just before their initial attack at the beginning of "Echoes".
The only reverse drums I hear at the beginning of "Echoes" are some reverse hi-hat hits, which seem pretty straightforward to me: They are reversed. There may be some reverse reverb there, which as you mention is achieved by flipping the tape over to play it backwards, running the output through a reverb unit, and then printing that back to tape. When you flip the tape back over you hear the reverb build before the actual attack, but always perfectly synchronized because that's the way it was printed on tape.
"But if we don't care whether people are reading this thing, I'm not sure why we are doing it."
People are reading it. Maybe not that many, but enough for me, if more people were reading, i wouldn't post the same way and probably wouldn't enjoy the freedom that knowing only a few people will read it brings with it. As it is i feel it's a little workshop where we get to work out stuff in front of a small audience.
And considering we don't make any effort to bring people in then i dont see how we can complain about our readership. Ramon made efforts, but do you? i don't unless i'm asking someone to guest post, which is rare.
The format itself is not conducive to a large readership of strangers. With 7 people writing about whatever they want each day, the likelihood that a reader will find two or three posts in a row interesting is low at best even if they already know us and like us, if they are strangers, then practically impossible.
The only three things I'm going to say about this thread:
1. When I talk to friends who used to read the NAP but don't keep up anymore or often, the main reason is because of the length and density of the posts.
2. I take no prescriptive recommendation from this. I'd rather be an important part of the days of ten people than a trivial of the days of a hundred people, and I'm not about to tell anyone how to handle their days.
3. Justin, saying that personal writing is crap because it results in high school poetry is like saying musicianship is crap because it results in Joe Satriani.
saying that personal writing is crap because it results in high school poetry
But this is not what I said. Copying from above and pasting...
That sort of exceptionalism is the origin of high school poetry
So I said that about exceptionalism. What I said about personal writing is that it's likely to prevent outsiders from participating and that will have a limiting effect on the new ideas around here.
According to Statcounter, the NAP has had an average of 40 returning visitors and an average of 130 unique visitors per day for the past week. Just putting this out there for anyone curious. I don't know much about the accuracy.
I'm off to spend the final night finishing my house here in the Aleutians. See you when I get back to the Thunder Dome.
Okay Justin, here's the deal. I find no shame in admitting that I want you to like my posts as much as anyone else. I'm glad you like my writing. I enjoy writing personally, that's certainly no surprise, you don't, also no surprise. If your concern is primarily gaining and keeping more readers, you've simply got to know that you are in the wrong place. This is a blog, a web-fucking-log, a glorified diary. What could be more personal than that? Not a one of us ever claimed to want to make this the clearing house for mass entertainment (thank god), and none of you fuckers better start either. If you intend to focus on that here in the NAP, you could start by trying to address issues that affect music lovers on a more broad and expansive level. Nobody here would argue with that. I want more out of you, and I am totally with Unspeakable on that issue. I know the idea doesn't appeal to you, but we are a sort of horrible little family here. You probably have good reason to resist that analogy, but that's all it really is anyway. I am more than willing to recognize that I am not only self-centered, I am also quite possibly either unreadable to many, or at the very least, a bit over the top. That's fair, and I will accept that. But here's where you are going down. I won't change that for you or anyone else. I am an intensely personal writer, love being one, met the love of my life through it, wouldn't trade it for all the respect of another opinion in the world. I will also concede this: expressing interest and understanding in the ideas or opinions, or lives, or whatever, of others is a noble pursuit. Me, I just don't write from that angle. It's not inarguably to my detriment, that's just your opinions talking.
Anyway, I know that I've reached maximum density on this puppy. Thanks for starting this off. It is the most fun I've had in here in a while.
Dear John,
zzzzzzzzzzzz
Dorothy, as in Tahoe Dorothy? You always were the sweetest.
Justin, fine, sorry for trying to wade through a big comment thread at 7:30 in the morning. Replace personal writing with exceptionalism in the previous sentence and the point stands.
Replace personal writing with exceptionalism in the previous sentence and the point stands.
So you're defending exceptionalism?
actually, when you started talking about that exceptionalism stuff, I got all interested Justin. but then again, I love that crap. I do like knowing other people have the bizarre circumstances that I have. It does make it tons better. For me, anyway.
But anyway, maybe I should be on a psychology blog instead as that seems to be my interest.
Of course I have an interest in music and one of the main things I get out of this blog is new stuff to listen to. I have bought at least two albums and several songs, and should have bought more songs and albums but just haven't done it yet. I even found out one batch of songs was from a movie and just watched it this weekend and it was godawful. But amazingly entertaining in a jaw dropping way. Bunti aur Bobli. Check it out.
But you guys are actual musicians and doing stuff with music, but that's not my scene. I listen to it, and probably for very different reasons than any of you do. I'd say, and it's true, I'm a little more white bread. And that's just the way it goes.
And Justin, I think you're funny. And if there's a person I feel I relate to on this blog it's you, and a couple of others, but I like your dry sense of humor. I never know when you're just poking at people or not, but you're nice enough to not do it with a sledgehammer, a la Cramer. (Who is funny too, and sledgehammers are sometimes needed, but I like the opposite as well.)
If you were a color, I think you might be a lovely shade of green like when the leaves first come out on the trees. But the kind of tree that has dark, dark bark.
Oh, and John, 8 years is pretty damn long to test the waters. It's gotten cold and hot about 20 times in that time frame. If I can start up a store, hold down a full time job, commute an hour and a half a day, raise two tiny extremely active boys, and work out most days of the week, you can write your damned book. And I want you to get WAY beyond starting it. Fucker. Don't you know you're never going to be fully happy with what you write? The point is to just put the damn words down and then publish. Done and done. Then move on to the next one. Don't wait to be happy.
Sir, I'm sorry. I did not mean to insult your genitalia. However, your endless ranting about how I "insulted" you leads me to believe that you are rather sensitive to that particular subject.
Let it be known here on this day of 5-1-08 that I for one have never seen John Cramer's genitalia and am therefore unqualified to pass judgement on the subject.
Please send any and all correspondence regarding this matter to John's wife and any ex-lovers for any information you may require to pass more accurate judgment on this subject.
This is my apology to you.
Marciana Garcia
I'll be happy to convey the inner workings of my vast mind to the Saturday slot at least once. And I promise I won't poke fun at John.
Marciana Garcia
WHERE IS BOB WITH THE FUCKING WEATHER???
Jonathan - I've read that NYTimes blog several times. Linked an Andrew Bird piece here once for Carlos. Good stuff.
And good point about the tube tops.
So you're defending exceptionalism?
Truthfully, I'd never even heard the phrase before this thread; I thought you were making it up before I googled it. But I'm not defending exceptionalism; I'm attacking what I read as specious logic. But I shouldn't have bothered, and will stop bothering now.
Keep it coming, folks. I can take it.
Hey Marciana, can we move beyond your favorite subject, please?
Marciana
Write a post, email it to contributetonap@gmail.com and we'll see if it sizes up.
I will submit my post for your approval before the month is over.
And, thanks.
Marciana Garcia
sizes up.
Why does that make me uneasy?
I do have a problem with giving full access rights to an unknown poster. But not because of the unknown content.
Why don't you let her send you a post that you upload.
Hey wednesday, there is no need for apprehension, I didn't know I was given some kind of special clearance.
I figured I e-mail my post to the address so given and you guys decide if it's worthy of publication. I won't abuse this privilege whatsoever.
However, I don't want to step on any toes. Whatever works for you guys. I can just remain in the background and post my comments when I read something of interest.
I will not post anonymously for long, and will be posting my profile soon. I am tackling too many projects at this time to have properly posted my comments. Again, sorry.
Marciana Garcia
No worries MG - I'm interested to read what you got.
8 years?
We have Saturdays covered as far as needing guests through the end of May. One of you may choose to use any additional guest posts that may be provided in place of your regular gig, otherwise June is the next opening slot.
send any contributions to contributetonap@gmail.com
This email is also provided on the NAP home page.
you mentioned 'several' and really I don't know know where the hell I got 8 years from, but still, more than two seems to me excessive for testing waters.
Not that I really know, but what I think you're supposed to do is spew out the goodness so much and so often that it wouldn't matter if you lost a whole book (a la that movie from back in the day, and other real people I know). You'll always have it there.
So, I just encourage you to get off your ass and put the words to an actual page that will actually be sent somewhere.
You obviously have it in you.
Think of it this way, look at all the freaking books out there that people write. Isn't it amazing? And they keep coming. If THEY can do it, surely you can do it.
So, quit thinking so much about it, and jump in.
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