Saturday Guest Post: Blag Dahlia

Alright kids, today in lieu of the post we were waiting on that never actually arrived, we will instead present you with this little nugget of egotistical idiocy courtesy of one of the most egotistical idiots in all of rock: The Dwarves' Blag Dahlia. Blag was contacted (along with with a laundry list of others), and was "kind" enough to present the NAP with this little dialogue he entered into with some poor schmuck at a skateboard company. Read up and see what happens when rock stars begin to believe the hype. We here at the NAP do not condone the shucked off waste of a madman's fevered ego. Unless of course we have given up waiting for the original post that was supposed to come in at some point today.

Thus, let this serve as a caveat to you, future NAP guest contributors. If you are so lax as to decline to submit your promised post, we will be forced to post the Eugene Robinson monologue submitted to the NAP in the name of getting laid and promoting his book. And believe me, it's not pretty.

So until next week, and in the words of today's guest, Blag: SHAKKA!!

Carry on,

The NAP

Dear NAP,

Here is something funny that hits on a basic point about music. Money. It starts with their letter to me, and then comes my response.

Enjoy.

And use my regular email next time, this is for stalkers and teenage loose women.
BLAG

Skater request: We produce high end snowboard/skateboard films out of Whistler, Canada and are putting together our soundtrack for our upcoming film, (The Main Event). As huge fans of The Dwarves we thought we would ask if we could have permission to use The track, Everybody's Girl. Unfortunately the skate/snow video market isn't very lucrative, however , we can offer the band great exposure in our scene. If there is anyway you might be able to help us with this, please let us know.

Sincerely,
Rick Johnston, Director

Dear Rick,

We here at the Dwarves camp scrutinized your request very carefully, and we have decided to grant the necessary permission for inclusion in your film. Because you are offering no money, though, payment must be extracted in some form, and that form will be through the medium of 'abuse.' For starters Rick, we hate skateboards. Let's face it, people who ride skateboards are just jocks with wheels. Secondly, we hate people that don't pay money for things. Do you think that studio and rehearsal time are free? When your dad comes home from a hard day at the office to subsidize your carefree lifestyle, do you think that he receives nothing in his envelope at the end of the week but the hearty good wishes of his boss? Do you believe that your mom isn't subjected to various forms of ritual sexual abuse by your dad, both for being a domestic servant and for keeping him from throttling you? Do you plan upon donating your film to hungry orphans in Rwanda or for inner city, skateboard deprived children here at home? No, you'll sell it for a profit and buy things for your girlfriend, who incidentally Rick, is sleeping with all of your friends. Finally, there is the issue of Canada. I'll spare you the usual rap, but just remember, we in the Dwarves haven't abandoned the notion of "54-40 or Fight" and someday we will recapture the rest of our continent from the British and the French, you can rest assured of that. All right Ricky, I suppose that's enough for now. Enjoy the song and don't go out in the rain.

Shakka!
BLAG