ten minutes.
I just got home from work and am writing in Lucida Grande in honor of it being the default font in Final Cut Pro. I have to be back to work in nine hours so I am going to type for ten minutes and see where it takes us. I had a much longer structured post in mind centered around two things. The first is the band Against Me!, who I am very fond of and saw live in concert Wednesday night. I respect the fact that unlike many musical organizations Against Me! has kept a political focus to their work consistently while also maintaining a strong personal connection as well. The concert was mostly good though too short and the Kings Arms is a magnet for assholes and a poorly designed venue and I really hate it. Plus they seem to have trouble playing "Thrash Unreal" live. They did, however, play "Pints of Guinness Make Us Strong" and it was a bracing moment in part bcause of the other thing on my mind.
The other thing on my mind is the death of my friend Lonewolf, five years ago (on May 7th, 2003). It is not an exaggeration to say that his death directly contributed to my decision to move to New Zealand, to pursue a dream of filmmaking, to change my life. And here I am and my life has changed and in many ways the dream has come true. But the dream has also proven itself to be at very least insufficient and possibly counterproductive for personal happiness. And I am not sure what to do about this, and I wish he was here to talk to about it. (Although most of our correspondence was electronic.)
To deal with this in such a gloss is unfair; unfair to Lonewolf who deserves a proper memorial, unfair to the reader to try to digest a big thing in a small and poorly formed paragraph. But my life at the moment does not permit me the ability to be fair to people, even ones who changed my life. I am not proud of that, but here we are.
That's twelve minutes. See you next week.
The other thing on my mind is the death of my friend Lonewolf, five years ago (on May 7th, 2003). It is not an exaggeration to say that his death directly contributed to my decision to move to New Zealand, to pursue a dream of filmmaking, to change my life. And here I am and my life has changed and in many ways the dream has come true. But the dream has also proven itself to be at very least insufficient and possibly counterproductive for personal happiness. And I am not sure what to do about this, and I wish he was here to talk to about it. (Although most of our correspondence was electronic.)
To deal with this in such a gloss is unfair; unfair to Lonewolf who deserves a proper memorial, unfair to the reader to try to digest a big thing in a small and poorly formed paragraph. But my life at the moment does not permit me the ability to be fair to people, even ones who changed my life. I am not proud of that, but here we are.
That's twelve minutes. See you next week.
3 Comments:
Doug, I'm sorry to hear about your friend. And, I can only imagine the difficulty you must have in trying to sort out why it is that what you love to do is not what you are loving doing, at least in as much as things stand today. Without oversimplifying things, I believe that you are more than capable of eventually working it out in a way that keeps you happy both personally and professionally. Fuck. Whatever you do, don't give up on either, because then, you're sunk.
thanks, John. I'll try.
as they say, if it weren't for brick walls, you wouldn't know how much you want something. so now you know, or at least, on the path of knowing.
working for hours and days on end sure makes you think about what you'd really like to do once you could get off the damn project.
Post a Comment
<< Home