Week 81: Telephone Call from Televisionland

Opening scene for Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery, lots of dancing and being chased by girls, but everyone stops to dance together at some points.

Stones 1981 Start Me Up tour plaing Shattered and Neighbors at breakneck speed, flawlessly, I almost wanted to jump up my seat. I forgot how good the stones are (were? – haven’t seen them since 1987).

Some duet called Bosco and Wifer in that CMT duets show. You all should totally work the hippie thing they were told. No one else looks like them according to the girl in the duet. Now some other duet is doing Marshall Tucker Band. Gonna take a freight train…

Mick Jagger playing guitar on Just My Imagination… a mistake. He looks as old in 1981 as he does today 25+ years later. Amazing. They were already dinasours in 1981. What are they now? Still rocking I guess. Snorting ashes. Mick Jagger is such a freak. Bill Wyman just took a look at him shaking his rump for thousands of people and just snickered. 19th Floor Nervous Breakdown. Again at breakneck speed. Charlie Watts is one boogie machine. Ok that song was over before I finished the sentence. Now, Let Me Go. Again at breakneck speed, How old are these guys? I want some of that geritol they’re taking. Now Mick is running through the audience with about 10 bodyguards around him and the audience is trying to grab at him and he’s singing let me go. Its like the british 60s people were obsessed with chasing and being chased. That’s freedom baby.

Commercials everywhere, when will they ever go away? Geckos dancing to Thriller with a girl, and that horrible new Subway jingle, scientifically created for the sole purpose of drilling into your head four notes that you then can’t help but repeat over and over in your mind. Thank god for local car dealer commercials.

Mother Judd hands down harsh judgements on two guys who want to make it as a duet. Now she’s shaking her head, these poor chumps trying to sing for the “judges”, trying to “impress” the “judges”. Trying to be what they think they want them to be. Sad really. And not very good to see them try to fit into a certain size of jean, then look like its not their size and sound like crap singing. The song selection doesn’t help either.

Did Ron Wood get picked because he and Keith smoke cigarettes the same way? What would Mother Judd think of Mick and Keith singing a duet for her? Keith has a horrible voice. Mick walks around like my daughter, shrugging shoulders, pointing at nothing and everything, not rough enough, not tough enough. This song is not doing it, not making love to you Mick. Sorry.

Austin Powers is talking to the blind man in the bathroom and over-powdering with pimp powder. He’s English. Tom Arnold as a cowboy. Youre gonna blow your o-ring. Show that turd who’s boss. We’re gonna get through this. How about a courtesy flush.

The million dollar song is coming up after commercials in a show called Don’t Forget the Lyrics. Sounds pretty exciting, but Country Crock Omega Plus? I don’t think so.

Now there’s a duo called LB and Oakley. On the name alone I am going to “judge” them and say with Mother Judd, no thanks. And what is up with that guy’s haircut?

Alright! the million dollar song! And it’s Blame It On The Rain by Milli Vanilli, 1989! #1 for 2 weeks. The contestant lady has to remember it to “get her money.” 11 missing words she has to remember. This is a horrible song, and even worse, the host and the contestant are singing it together. She’s gonna be the very first millionaire if she remembers the 11 words.

At the Stones concert its night time now. Before it was daytime. How long have they been playing, 40+ years? You can’t always get what you want. Unless you want Mick shaking his rump. I’m thinking they’re about my age in this movie. Forty or so. All class.

I’m gonna go smoke a cigarette.

The wife saw today a girl scout from the local Girl Scout Carrboro NC Troop 420. She had a girl scout uniform that said Troop 420 on the back. In case you had doubts that I live in a hippie town. Someone asked if they then had an opium den mother.

Oh and Bret Michaels has a new solo record coming out. Why?

There are a bunch of shows on TV that pretend to be about music, but are anything but. TV sucks.