Doggerel for Diddley

This post comes courtesy of Brad Tyer - Houston 90s music scene royalty if you ask me (though he might claim otherwise). Fortunately, nobody asked him. I'm glad someone mentioned the passing of Diddley in here. That guy... Well, thanks Brad.

Any takers for next week's guest spot? Submit to contributetonap@gmail.com . Lay it down as easy or as hard as you wish. We can surely take it. Bring it on.

- John

Bo Diddley Was A Man
(dead of heart failure, age 79, June 2, 2008)

I have to write about Bo Diddley tonight
chunk-uhchunk-uhchunk…kachunk-chunk
I could have written it yesterday
or the day before
but apparently can’t function
without a deadline

which is so un-rockandroll
it’s pathetic
no propulsion
no forward thrust
never mind pelvic

just fit
after start
after fit/start
until one day something stops starting
and nothing fits anymore

Bo Diddley was a man
(mere mannish boy to Muddy)
Bo Diddley was the boss
Bo Diddley was a gunslinger

Bo Diddley does not seem to have suffered
self-esteem issues

Bo Diddley wrote a song called “Bo Diddley”
it went to #1
he wrote another
called it “Hey! Bo Diddley.”
he wrote “Diddley Daddy”
he wrote “The Story of Bo Diddley”
he wrote “Diddy Wah Diddy” (which is close)…
“Run Diddley Daddy”…
“Bo Diddley, Bo Diddley, Have You Heard?”…
“The Greatest Lover in the World”…
“500 % More Man”
“Bo Meets the Monster”…

if the monster was a deadline
Bo Diddley put the hurt on it
whupped it upside the head with an ugly stick

Bo Diddley wrote “Who Do You Love?”
who do you think?

his birth name was Ella Otha Bates
well he changed that
Ella was a man
imagine the difference a letter makes:
Bob Diddley
it just don’t sing

Bo Diddley was born of Mississippi
he went to Chicago and heard John Lee
and got hooked
(ahem…)

he played on streetcorners
with a band called the Hipsters
but when he got famous
and designed his own guitar
it came out almost square

Bo Diddley wrote at least three songs
that can hardly be conceived of
as having been even
written
songs that sound like they were always already there
before amplifiers
or any shape guitar at all

1955: “I’m A Man”
1956: “Who Do You Love”
1960: “Roadrunner”

rockandroll is a finite thing
has a finite history
imagine being so young
and so inevitable
that they name it after you

his own beat
played on guitars, not drums
chunk-uhchunk-uhchunk…kachunk-chunk
one third of a three-chord wonder
nothing but drive to it
a man driving

Buddy Holly covered “Bo Diddley”
liked it so much he kept the beat
and plugged it in
to “Not Fade Away”
the Stones took that
and who remembers the Crickets?

yo Chuck, they can’t copyright no beats!
not shave and a haircut, two bits
no hambone jive
hush little baby, don’t you cry
we ain’t gonna work on old MacDonald’s farm
no more

George Thoroughgood took “I’m a Man”
called it “Bad to the Bone”
and called it a career

Strummer and Co. recorded “Mona”
for London Calling
but their cut never saw vinyl
never found the groove
Bo opened their first U.S. tour
that’s his guitar all over Sandinista
Mick Jones lost in Bo’s supermarket
lifting shimmery chords
another sound stolen

Bo Diddley was a cop
in Arizona
Bo knows crime
and preaches forgiveness
the Jesus and Mary Chain wrote: “Bo
Diddley is Jesus”
they should know
they’d already covered “Who Do You Love?”
they loved Bo Diddley
Jesus is love

Bo Diddley sang “Hush Your Mouth”
my mother had it on a 45
a relic of her growing up
when I was growing up
he says it: “hursh yer mouth”
and it sounds like Shirley Q. Liquor

that reference probably isn’t as obscure
as it deserves to be

Bo Diddley was a man
Bo Diddley was the boss
Bo Diddley was a gunslinger
Bo Diddley finally met his deadline
hurshed his mouth
chunk-uhchunk-uhchunk…kachunk-chunk