Lack of Failure = Success

This content of this post makes me feel sappy and girly, just how I like my movies – but not my books, oddly. Back to the sap, if I could complete this current day and time post and story with victorian outfits, that would be even better. Sadly, the events of last night were not three hundred years ago, or even a hundred and fifty, which would have done in a pinch.

And you know what? I’m going to wrap it up in a lovely bow with a solid beginning, middle and happy ending.

Why not? I’ve wasted a good half of my work day on non-work things, communication breakdown is happening all around as per usual, and I’m faced with another night of all work.

Back to the happy…

Yesterday my boy got a severe ear infection from out of nowhere. He hadn’t been sick or had a fever. As soon as I get to work, I have to turn around and go get him. There was an hour drive I could have done without. Also, before leaving I got to attend a meeting where everybody received their ‘corporate gift’ (repeated like 20 times, so weird) except me. I know I will soon receive my ‘corporate gift’ so I’m not upset about the delay. (Again, so weird. How about ‘our gift to you?’ huh?)

I pick up the boy, manage to get he and his brother in to see the doctor and Abe has an 8 degree ear infection. Apparently it’s bad but I don’t know the scale. Luckily the little one is without sickness.

Abe mostly acts just fine but every once in awhile has a bout of cranky behavior. We go through about 5 of those as I’m trying to work from home and finally it comes to a head when I tell him to go to bed without his hot chocolate. He starts throwing a tantrum. A tantrum! I actually give him a spanking, which is for me, like how I used to smoke, I didn’t even inhale so wasn’t actually doing it for a good three years. Needless to say it’s like the tap a baby bird would give a tree. It’s still new to me and I may drop it, but anyway…

This sends him into wails and I look forward to another miserable 30 minutes as I try to get him to brush his teeth and into bed so I can then go work for 3 hours.

I give him a hug and ask that he gives me one. He does. A little hope rises. I talk to him soothingly that I need him to calm down and that we can have some great times tomorrow if he can just exhibit some better behavior that’s more positive and normal voice. He actually acquiesces. Then his cry changes and he gives me a hug with his arms and his legs.

We brush teeth, and by the end he’s back to happy Abe. I am so thankful for the bounceback. None of this holding on to anger or the memory of “I’ve been done wrong.” Just, happy Abe.

I tell him how it’s great that he’s so happy and he said that when he was crying his mind changed and he thought about if I died and he missed and really loved me. He was very happy and looking to a great morning of hot chocolate, chocolates from the Christmas calendar and getting to ride the bus to school.

Then I go help Artie out who is struggling with Moses who just will not relax. I take over and tell he needs to get his act together or he’s going to thinking chair. He stops immediately and closes his eyes. After I sing a song, I try to leave doing the slinking movement of moving very slowly out of the bed so he won’t notice.

He notices. I tell him I’m going to go to work. He says, Mommy go? I said yes. He asks, “In the van?” I say no. I tell him I’m going to work downstairs. He says, “In mommy daddy bed?” No, downstairs. He says, oh, and rolls over and goes to sleep.

Unprecedented.

I couldn’t believe the success of these two things. What made me most happy is that I feel an actual connection with my older boy. He’s finally getting this death thing, that we have to enjoy each other right now. More importantly, I can actually do this mother thing. It is possible to have it work, and not just be endless tasks of just trying.

I don’t know if anybody gets this, but even if you don’t have kids, it’s just the feeling of finally connecting to someone intellectually and spiritually and know that they will always be there for you, in whatever capacity they can be. The connection, the success of that connection, the lack of failure – totally awesome.