now VULVECTOMY

In 8th grade health class there was this kid who was in to all kinds of exotic metal, and he had the T-shirts to prove his love. One band I remember was called “Dismemberment Card.” I think. But I was trying to find it, and there’s no record on the Web. Not surprising. They weren’t very big, and their career probably had no overlap with the internet. Instead I found this band.

image 
And they have friends.

imageHmm. Some common threads. Putridness. Cephalic-ness. Dismemberment. Vein-related disorders. Vomit.

I wondered, “Is Decrepancy a word?”

No.

Dissilency? Apparently. There’s also a band called Dissilence. Not sure why “the act of leaping” would be a good name for a metal band.

My favorite is Methadone Abortion Clinic. Because why make someone visit two different clinics? They understand the marketplace.

Anyway, the new Myspace digs for the re-christened Vulvectomy turn out to a bit more ambitious. A nice wallpaper and header graphic. Plus some great song titles:

  • Gangrenous Testicular Deformity
  • Blunt Rectal Impalement
  • Putrescent Clitoral Fermentati

Mmmm. Putrid, but fermenting. They’re Italian, so they’ve got a sophisticated palate I guess. Oh, and look, they’re coming the U.S. in July for the Las Vegas Death Fest. The poster for which confirms something I had guessed earlier. These bands are awful when it comes to branding. Their logos all look the same.

Flyers | Las Vegas Death Fest -       July 16th-17th 2010 | VULVECTOMY
Consider our pals Vulvectomy:

My Photos | www.myspace.com/vulvectomyslam | VULVECTOMY

And compare their logo with the second-day headliners, who I finally figured out were called Pathology (you might have thought both common medical terms were un-Google-able but the two bands showed up on the first page of results).

image

Or try this pair. Can you even read them? Go ahead, without looking at this slightly more readable flyer, guess the names in the comments. Winner gets a free putrescent vulvectomy.

Logos | Chi-town Insanity | KATAPLEXY

My Photos | use this for flyers | GORTUARY (2ND NEW SONG POSTED!!)

At least this poster has the disillency to translate the names into a readable font.

Where am I going with this? I don’t know. I just spent half an hour looking for the font all these bands must be using. It’s possible someone is actually hand-drawing these things. For example, I found a Vice interview with a dude who’s drawn 7,000 logos. But the logos in that interview all look much better than these. And they have some differentiation.

These bands could have better names as well. This generator will continuously blast out names better than anything the Deatlh Fest bands have come up with. And this site will present several real band names that are superior. Such as Candelabro (Bra), which sadly just indicates they are from Brazil.

Candelabro (Bra)

And these two variants, which are both a project from the same dude in the Netherlands, but are nonetheless separately listed on the same split compilation CD.

And You Will Live in Terror

And You Shall Live in Terror

So, yeah. That’s my Saturday post. Hope you were as entertained with me live blogging my Google searches as I was.

4 comments to now VULVECTOMY

  • stu

    Insidious Decrepancy is one of my all time favorite band names, and was the inspiration for the name of Danny Mee and Eric Faucet’s band ‘Inscrutable Vocabulary’.

    If I was an accountant, I would start a death metal band called ‘Insidious Discrepancy’.

  • I hope you were as entertained live blogging as I was reading this.

    Played a show Monday at a bar with a larger club attached that was having Metal Night –Pestilence, War Bringer…

    While we were playing, we got a bird’s eye view of the metal bands on a huge flat screen tv right across from our stage. And we could hear them through the walls too. Wasn’t so bad for our set which is loud enough but the opener was a two piece psych-country thing from Austin. Sort of surreal. Overall though it was a fun night and the metal folks came in and out of the bar a lot and everybody was nice and we all drank beer and had a good time. Idol threats from War Bringer I guess (who, btw, were awesome).

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