In 8th grade health class there was this kid who was in to all kinds of exotic metal, and he had the T-shirts to prove his love. One band I remember was called “Dismemberment Card.” I think. But I was trying to find it, and there’s no record on the Web. Not surprising. They weren’t very big, and their career probably had no overlap with the internet. Instead I found this band.
I wondered, “Is Decrepancy a word?”
Dissilency? Apparently. There’s also a band called Dissilence. Not sure why “the act of leaping” would be a good name for a metal band.
My favorite is Methadone Abortion Clinic. Because why make someone visit two different clinics? They understand the marketplace.
Anyway, the new Myspace digs for the re-christened Vulvectomy turn out to a bit more ambitious. A nice wallpaper and header graphic. Plus some great song titles:
- Gangrenous Testicular Deformity
- Blunt Rectal Impalement
- Putrescent Clitoral Fermentati
Mmmm. Putrid, but fermenting. They’re Italian, so they’ve got a sophisticated palate I guess. Oh, and look, they’re coming the U.S. in July for the Las Vegas Death Fest. The poster for which confirms something I had guessed earlier. These bands are awful when it comes to branding. Their logos all look the same.
Consider our pals Vulvectomy:
And compare their logo with the second-day headliners, who I finally figured out were called Pathology (you might have thought both common medical terms were un-Google-able but the two bands showed up on the first page of results).
Or try this pair. Can you even read them? Go ahead, without looking at this slightly more readable flyer, guess the names in the comments. Winner gets a free putrescent vulvectomy.
At least this poster has the disillency to translate the names into a readable font.
Where am I going with this? I don’t know. I just spent half an hour looking for the font all these bands must be using. It’s possible someone is actually hand-drawing these things. For example, I found a Vice interview with a dude who’s drawn 7,000 logos. But the logos in that interview all look much better than these. And they have some differentiation.
These bands could have better names as well. This generator will continuously blast out names better than anything the Deatlh Fest bands have come up with. And this site will present several real band names that are superior. Such as Candelabro (Bra), which sadly just indicates they are from Brazil.
And these two variants, which are both a project from the same dude in the Netherlands, but are nonetheless separately listed on the same split compilation CD.
So, yeah. That’s my Saturday post. Hope you were as entertained with me live blogging my Google searches as I was.